Problem with husband and in-laws
Mine was a complicated love marriage. I am a christian and my husband is a hindu from different states. Before marriage and before accepting his proposal, i have told him that i cannot marry and stay with a non christian which is against my faith. He was a non religious person by faith and he had agreed and promised me a million times that he will stay by christian faith and will never make me feel guilty of his own decision. I was not mad about marrying him anytime, but he has done emotional blackmail making me feel very guilty all the time. we got married last year and within 1 year he has changed completely blaming me for his conversion. This came in a as a shock to me and he has a new face now and he knows i cannot change decisions now. I was not forcing anything onto him and have been understanding that i have to help him come to my faith and i have to be patient. what is much bothering is his attitude that when he asks me what can i do now if he is not keeping up his promises. He even asks me whether i was a fool to have believed his words made before marriage.
On top of this, in laws have been very bad to me. In last aug i went to their house for a week to help them with shifting their house. i was doing what ever work i could possibly find and do. but she kept on ill treating me and getting me agitated by speaking sarcastically. i am clueless of how could one have so much of hatred on me without any reason and when i have come there leaving behind my husband at home just to help them. I broke my silence at one point and asked her back about how could she speak to me like this. She has abused me with words i could never forget till today. I am offended and spend sleepless nights thinking about her words. she asked me if i was staying with my husband only to have sex? is this not against the law? I even went and apologized the same night for speaking back to her. But they remained not to talk to me even after that. I tried speaking to her after 2 mths but she has told my husband not to make me talk with her. She does not want to have any relationship me with and does not allow my father in law also to talk to me. And u can very well count it now, how much problem this would add to a marriage life. i am not sure of what people are doing to me. But i know for sure i am being cheated. If we proceed for kids now, i don't want his parents to take any rights on them or even see them. Also i am worried if my husband would influence my kids to grow in different faith which also he has promised that he would never do anything like that. Please give me your advice.
Asked 2 years ago in Family Law from chennai, Tamil Nadu
1) Marriage between a Hindu and a Christian is invalid under the Hindu Marriage Act, as the Act provides for only Hindu couples to enter into a wedlock, the Supreme Court has held
2) A Civil Marriage between a Hindu & a Christian is absolutely valid under the Special Marriage Act,1954
3) if your husband had converted into Christianity before marriage on his own accord he cannot blame you now .
4) if your husband has converted into Christianity and marriage was solemnised in church your marriage is valid
5)if you are staying separate after marriage there is no possibility of interference by in laws .
6) you cannot stop your in laws from seeing your kids . your husband would naturally like his parents to meet his children
7) if you have any apprehensions of your husband better make position clear before you decide to have kids .
8) if situation deteriorates file for divorce .
first of all think, what do you want?
if you want to live with him then try to settle the matter amicably with him and live separately without the interference of his parents and other family members, it may be possible then due to your love marriage with their son their feeling and wishes may destroy and due to these feeling they are not able to accept you and blame you and taunt/abused you.
if you are not willing to live with him and you apprehended that in future he may be converted in his previous religion and may be he force to kids to join his religion then it will be better to file a divorce case and live happily with your life as per you wish and faith.
You may contact a lawyer or marriage counselor personally or over the phone for best advise
Advocate, New Delhi
It seems you've problem with everyone. If your husband has converted himself before marriage, how could he blame you? You're destroying your present happiness with future apprehensions. If you can not adjust and do not want to spend your life with your husband, go for mutual consent divorce. Contact a local lawyer.
Hi, in your narration whether you have marriage is solemnized as per the special marriage act or not and we need to know whether your marriage is solemnized under which law.
2. If the marriage is solemnized under special marriage act you have to apply for divorce under special marriage act only.
3. It is my kind advice to you go for a counselling so that both of you can resolve your dispute and tried to understand better if the counselling is not worked out then you have legal option which is always open to you.
1. Your husband converted to Christianity out of his own free will. So no legal consequences of his conversion will ensue to you.
2. Your query is not clear on whether the conversion took place prior to or after the marriage. It is also silent on whether you married according to Hindu or Christian rites, or you married before the registrar.
3. The ill treatment meted out to you was originated from your mother-in-law and not your husband. From what you have stated, no instance of domestic violence can be imputed to your husband.
4. It is certainly vile for a mother-in-law to tell her daughter-in-law that the latter is staying with her husband only to have sex, but this is not illegal by any stretch of the imagination.
5. You and your husband can visit a marriage counsellor to reconcile your differences. If this proves futile then you may separate by applying for mutual divorce.
6. Your parents-in-law will have no right over your children
My Marriage took place in a church and got it has been registered. I am not sure under which act it falls in. He underwent conversion before marriage which is also under church records. My in laws have no right reason till today for thier behavior towards me. Her problem was that i was not doing enoug work in thier house. Her doubt was if i am making thier son do all the work at home in their absense. And Yes they stay away from us. These doubts of her led to this ill treatment and thereby using abusive words. Should i take this as a common thing which happens in every family and let it go? Are in laws provided special reights to abuse thier dauther in law's? Who gives them these rights? I have not told them anytime that i will not allow you to see my kids, neither have i spoken a word with disrespect to them. they do not know anything which is happening between me and my husband. neither does my paremts know. What do i want? I want to know if i can file a case against her in case this happens ever again? She has not only abused me but also my mother and sister. She agrees it was her misunderstanding but she does not want to feel sorry about it. My husband also agrees that she is insane but continues to support them and show some meaningless anger to me.
I do not want to go for a divorce, it just does not affect me alone but for my family too. I dont want to punish my parents for my decisions. Off course i dont have a problem with everyone, it is a matter of trust which has failed me and a situation that has not favoured me.
If you are talking about adjusting, I did adjust with my in laws for a long time receving sarcastic comments about me, my family standards and my parents. But only when she started using big words, i did loose my temper. Also i do adjust with a husband who has even phsyically abused me and claims that domestic violence is very common. Yes looking at all your responses i do understand i cannot restrict my in laws from seeing my kids. My husband also told me that he would divorce me if i dont agree to have kids. Is there any possibility where i can stop them from taking rights over my kids legally? They are people who does not need me and who has abused me, but need the children whom i give birth to. If they apologize to me for what they have done, then i might allow but definitely not this way.
Asked 2 years ago
1) if your mother in law abuses you and your family record the abuses .
2) since your in laws are staying separately you are not going to meet them often .
3) visit a family counselor with your husband . it will help in your reconciliation efforts with your husband . counselor will make your husband understand that no lady will tolerate constant abuses being hurled by her mother in law to her and her family
4) you can also file domestic violence case against your MIL and husband and obtain a protection order .
5) as on date you dont have kids.
as and when you have kids your relationship with your in laws may improve .
you cant stop in laws from meeting your kids . you may refuse to permit your kids to stay overnight at your in laws place
Hi, you can take legal recourse against your in laws and you can file a complaint in the police station but with my rich experience i don not think it will help you and the matter will go from bad to worst so better you avoid your in laws so that you can save your marriage.
first of think about you decision, what do you want to do now????????
Advocate, New Delhi
1. Your issues are debatable as to who is at fault,
2. Agreeing to marrying some body on condition that he/she shall have to convert to other religion is not at all proper and the ground shown by you that his religion was against your religion is not correct as no religion in the world is against any other religion. There are so many examples in our society where both the persons are carrying on in their individual faiths being co-operative with each other,
3. However, he can not take you to court for forcing convertion upon him before agreeing to marry him,
4. So, there is no legal problem which you can face on this account and you can very well come over your present problems since these are very minor problems which need adjustments,
5. As regards your problems with your MIL, avoid confontration at any cost now. Please note that both of you will suffer if you head towards divorce as divorce is the 2nd most stressful event in ones life which people understand after divorce,
6. Your MIL does not want her husband to talk to you. Similarly you do not want your future children to be even seen by their grand parents. Execellent planning but the sufferers are/ will be your FIL who will not be able to talk to his DIL and your children who will be deprived of the love of heir rand parents.
1. You are right. This type of problem between the DIL and MIL prevails in most of the families which make life miserable,
2. Both thing claim to be right and other side is wrong,
3. Do not worry, both of you will get used to it,
4. Nice to know that you do not want divorce,
5. In fact you do not have any major problem at all for which you shold ask for legal guidance,
6. I will suggest you to visit a marriage councillor with our huisband to sort out issues.