My wife cheated on me but I am not sure of adultery
Me and my wife are married for 9 and half years (of course without kids). We both are living in USA but still on H1b visa and our marriage was solemnized in Mumbai India in 2005. Before Marriage my wife had a crush on one guy and she wanted to marry him however he was involved with his girl friend and though had affection towards my wife, never came forward to accept her. Then my wife (was in Mumbai) got engaged to another guy (was in USA). Their engagement lasted for 3 years. During this period that guy never came to India, perhaps my wife and her fiance started having issues over phone and eventually her fiance broke up engagement. After engagement was broken, I received proposal for marriage from my wife's family and we did some background check on why her previous engagement was broken and found incompatibility was major issue and hence I accepted her in my life. I moved to USA for job right after marriage and my wife followed me month after. I helped and supported her to pursue MS and PHD in last 9 and half year. Though my wife was married to me, she never accepted my home and my family as her family and we use to have fights over it. In 2010 situation escalated to a point where I had to slap her and she got me arrested in US for domestic violence. My case has been dismissed in 2011. Somewhere in 2012, the guy whom my wife had crush (before our marriage) got in touch with her for just casual hi/hello friendship. At that time my wife was studying in same city as my work place. However after my wife's Phd, she moved into another city for Post doctorate and we are doing long distance since then (mid-2013). My wife and that guy use to talk on the phone, chat, social media, for hours every day without my knowledge. That guy is still going around with his girl friend of 18 years without committing himself for marriage. His girl friend even tried committing suicide in Mumbai early this year. So since 2012, my wife and that guy are talking over phone in my absence and since 2013 as my wife lives in another city and we only meet over weekend, they talk to each other for hours every day during week days. I came to know all these as I found self confession note on my wife's IPad written in July 2013, December 2013, and July 2014 where she clearly stated that she is in madly and deeply love with that guy but she cannot make him her own as he is involved with his girl friend and not committing to his girl friend or my wife. My wife also confessed in her notes that she is not doing justice to me and others as she always tried comparing me with that guy and in process she is hurting our relationship and herself.
I confronted her over these and she says she wont talk to that guy anymore as she has infatuation or attractions towards her but she is not coming upfront in explaining me how deeply they were involved with each other and in process she is lying constantly to me. I am digging more and unearthing truth and only after I do so she accepts to it otherwise she is outrightly remaining in denial. She even confessed to my best friend in Mumbai over the phone (last weekend) about her affair with that guy and she apologized to my friend. She told my friend that she would do anything to make her marriage work with me but I dont trust her as she says lots of things, promises but do not fulfill her promises. She said I can go ahead and file for divorce however she wants claim in my properties. I work as Director with Fortune 26th company in the world.
While I want to work out this marriage of 9.5 years but I dont trust her anymore and I feel one day that guy will become ready for his commitment towards my wife and then she will dump me. I have helped her pursue her education. Since 2008 she is earning stipend and since 2013 she is earning good salary. She hasn't contributed a single $ towards my house or on me but yet she has transferred 20lacs odd rupees in India in her parents account since 2008.
If I need to work on divorce does her self confession note is good enough and her self confession to my friend would be good enough? I will also get phone call logs between my wife and that guy. Will I end up paying whatever claims that she is making should I decide to part my way out with her?
Asked 3 years ago in Family Law from United States
Also in 2012, 2013, and 2014 my wife visited India for a month (each time) and she met him in person. In her self confession note she has hinted that guy touched her. I dont know whether that constitutes adultery (probably not).
Asked 3 years ago
1) if you file for divorce in USA your wife will get 50%of your assets .
2) if you file for divorce in india and your wife is working and earning decent salary she may not get maintenance .
3) you have not mentioned details about how much you earn and what is your wife income . the issue as to whether any alimony is to be awarded would depnd upon your respective incomes .
4) IPad notes merely mention about your wife infatuation with that guy she knew before marriage .
5)there is no evidence that she has committed adultery . better gather evidence about her adultery then file for divorce .
6) you can contact a detective agency to gather evidence of her illicit relationship
1. You can file a petition praying for a decree of divorce based on valid ground viz, cruelty,
2. So long you have no proof of her adultery since talking to anybody or writing confession on Note Pad about her love for someone does not constitute adultery,
3. I find that atleast she is honest in advancing her confession & you still have a hope about your married life,
4. Talk to her amicably and try to settle the matter keepmg in mind that divorce is the 2nd most stressful event in one's life,
5. However, she can not claim any share in her husband's or in-law's property as per Indian Law.
1. No. This is the expression of an emotional feeling,
2. It seems she feels obliged that he has touched her,
3. It is a mental craze which is expected to pass away with the passage of time,
4. Handle it compassionately and in a matured way.
If you want to save your married life, try to talk her and settle amicably as she has not committed adultery. if you wish may collect information about her relation/adulterous acts through various sources including detective services. For divorce,cruelty is the ground that can be used against her. She will not get maintenance as she is earning and can not claim right in property in India but if divorce is filed in US then she will get half of the share in your assets.
Advocate, New Delhi
Thank you all for your prompt response. Well I am trying to work it out with my wife as Divorce is last thing I want. While I earn in tunes of $190K per annum, my wife earns $45K per annum as Post Doctorate Fellow. She is well educated and she will reach my level of income in near Future as well. I sponsored her education until MS program and PHD was funded by university with she was getting $2000 grant per month. Whatever money that she has earned so far she hasnt contributed a single penny towards house. While I dont have evidence, I have strong belief that my wife has exchanged pleasantries (electronics, watches) for that guy when she had visited India in last three years. It will be difficult for me to engage detective services as my wife is in US and that guy is in India. However I am planning to do so when my wife travels to India next time. I am also trying to gather chat (WhatsApp, FaceTime, GTalk) conversations between him and my wife. My wife has deleted it from her cell phone every time after their chat. While confronting my wife she told me that she use to inform that guy on when to have phone conversation or chat/video conversations with her. Almost whole afternoon our time, my wife and that guy use to talk to each other. My wife has also written in self confession that guy is double timing her and that guy's girl friend and my wife wants to first destroy that guy's relation with his girl friend as my wife cannot stand that girl in his life.
Just in case, either me or my wife decides to file for divorce and based on her earning ability, she wont be able to claim into my properties in US or in India correct? if things doesn't work out between us as so far she doesn't seems to have any regrets of what she has done and she will try pursuing him to commit to her I will file divorce decry in India.
If she puts up claim in my properties, will I be able to charge back her for education I provided and whatever money that she has earned while we both have been married? I am pretty sure that will reduce my compensation payout significantly if it doesn't nullify. Does her act accounts as betrayal of trust thus grounds for cruelty? how long over all process of divorce takes. I believe we will have to prove that we both are living separately for at least 6 months without any contacts correct?
Asked 3 years ago
1) if she files for divorce in USA she will get 50%of your assets .
2) you wont be able to claim expenses you have incurred for her education .
3) in USA divorce takes maximum 1 year .
4) In India it would take around 5 years as you would have to file for contested divorce .
5) i f it is divorce by mutual consent then you can get divorce in India in 6 months time .
6) for MCD you have to stay separate for one year before you file for mutual consent divorce
7) please note that in case you file for contested divorce on grounds of mental cruelty you have to prove allegations made in your petition .
1. While searching for evidence in her whatsapp, inbox files, please note that entering into others electronic domain without his/her permission is an offence as per law,
2. So, be careful on that account,
3. I had stated earlier that she can not claim any share in your property based on Indian law. In the USA, she can claim 50% of your property,
4. You can file divorce petition in India on the ground of cruelty on her part by having/continuing to have post marriage romantic relationship with her pre-marriage paramour,
5. You can neither claim refund of the amount you have spent on her education nor claim her contribution on your household expenses with arears..
1. The Ipad notes only demonstrate that your wife is infatuated to this guy. Infatuation does not constitute adultery under the law prevailing in India or US. There was a time when the courts in India equated 'exchange of pleasantries' between a married woman and a stranger as proof of adultery and granted divorce to the husband, but this is not the situation any more. So if you wish to apply for divorce in India then either file it on the ground of cruelty or unearth proof of her adultery.
2. As per the law prevailing in US your assets will be divided equally between you and your wife at the time of divorce. Contrary to the law in US, under the Indian law the wife has no right on the assets, movable or immovable, of her husband. The utmost she can do under the Indian legal framework is to file for alimony, a claim which you can successfully rebut if you can show that she was not the victim of any ill treatment by you, or she committed adultery.
3. Gather more proof of your wife meeting this guy as and when she travels to Indian again, and then chalk out your legal strategy.
1. Divorce as a legal recourse should be resorted to only when the marriage has reached a point of no return. In your case I think it can still be retrieved out of rough waters.
2. If you apply for divorce in US she can claim your properties in US as well as India. However, Indian law does not give this right to her.
3. You can neither recover from her nor claim a set off against her claim of alimony, of the expenses which you willingly spent on her education, etc.
4. Her acts surely amount to betrayal of trust, which entitles you to apply for divorce in India on the basis of cruelty.
5. In India mutual divorce materialises in 6 months which is less as compared to no fault divorce in US. If you apply for no fault divorce in India it may take up to 2 years, albeit the time likely to be taken is subject to factors like the place at which you file for divorce,etc. In some states in India divorce cases take as long as 3-4 years to be decided.
6. If you apply for mutual divorce in India you will have to show that you have lived separately for not less than a year.
First of try to settle the matter amicably, if both of you are ready to take divorce from each other then execute a MOU/Settlement Deed and file a Mutual Consent Divorce before Family Court in india. if not possible,
then you may file a divorce case against her on cruelty basis u/s 13(1)(ia) of Hindu Marriage Act in India or you may file a divorce case in USA Too
but in india she may get only the alomony/maintenance as per life style and status but in USA she may get 50% share in your properties too.
Advocate, New Delhi
presently you are evidenceless about adultery by your wife ,collect evidence of adultery of your wife to make ground for divorce. for this purpose you can engage detective agency also.
relationship of spouses are fully depend upon faith.... if there is no faith then end this relationship is the one and only remedy. you can file divorce petition in USA but amount regarding alimony is based on state law. diffrent states has different law so it'll be more helpful for you to consult a US lawyer.
if you want to file divorce in India then you should go with sec 13 B mutual divorce, you can get divorce after 6 months of filing of petition because your wife is living separately for more than 1year. if you want divorce within 6 months then you should file s.l.p. in supreme court.
Amount of alimony shall be fixed by court on the basic principle that wife should not be profited from alimony. this amount will just for maintain her living standard, if she is educated and a working lady then it will be too low. there is no fixed rule for alimony it'll depend upon circumstances of the case. in your case your wife is able to live separately through her own income, it is relevant fact in fixing of alimony.
her personal notebook is relevant evidence because it is an admission of fact. you should keep it safely ... or if possible make a soft copy of it. collect all evidence and avoid to provoke her because provocation may lead criminal proceeding.