Hi I got married on Jul 2007, Wife was a christian and she converted to Islam and we got married in a mosque. We filed an affidavit for her name change and conversion and i currently have the originals of the same and the original mariage certificate issued by the Mosque in Bangalore. Now coming to the problem, we did not consumate the marriage until Nov 2011. She would not allow. Reason she gives is that she's not ready for that now. I was patient. She's verbally abusive. Filthy abuses if we get into an argument. Shouting, yelling, screaming and Swearing. I lived on the hope that once we consumate the marriage things would change. In early 2011 my wife complained of stomach pain. We went and checked and she was diagnosed with an Ovarian cyst which was impending tortion. Meaning a serious one. We had to take multiple MRI's to confirm. The only option the doctors suggested was a surgical removal of the cyst, and since we did not have any kids, they advised us to go for the kid asap, as the removal procedure involved in removing her entire right ovary. with 3 months we consumated our wedding after consulting with few of the leading doctors. She became pregnant in Mar 2012 and we have a baby girl who has just turned 3. Upon knowing that she was pregnant she insisted in going to her mom's house stating that she cant stay alone with me in kochi. I agreed. Her delivery happened in bangalore and i bore all th expences as well. Even after the child was born the abuses continued. It came to an extent that she started abusing me on the streets. Iam fed up. I help her with everything at home. Maid are expensive where we live, hence i helped her in all her chores.Right from washign vessels to cleaning the toilet. Taking care of the child, feeding the child etc., i work in a BPO and sleep for max 3 - 4 hrs a day i didnt mind coz i thought that im doing this for my family, wife and child. No complaints whatsoever and no regrets. But her abusing continued. We lived like a proper husband and wife only for 3 months, meaning we had sexual intercourse only for 3 months in this 8 years. After she was diagnosed that she was pregnant we did not have anything physical. I thought after delivery life would become normal . Nothing changeduntil this min, the last time we had an intercource was in Mar 2012. Her abusing continued, I warned her that i would go for a divorce if this continues. i warned her multiple times but still continued. I told her that im not able to love her the way i used to love her and ive lost it all. She made a big scene out of it and left home, took the child and went to bangalore. Its been around 7 months now since she's staying seperate with her parents. After she left i called her and asked her to come down to start a new life. she denied stating that she does not want her daughter to have a father like me. The 8 KMS between office and home was my world for the last 8 years. Im totally done with her. I dont want my daughter to grow up seeing me getting abused, i think that will affect her behaviour as well. 2 months After she left home i sent her and the child clothes for Ramzan, she sent it back to me stating that she knows to provide for the child. I asked their family to come and speak to my parents in coimbatore, they refused. We did not go as well. I asked her divorce, she denied. She acknowledges that we both cant live together under the same roof, however she is not willing to give me a divorce. She says live alone, come meet your child and live alone but i will not give a divorce. she also says that she would not allow me to see the child if i go for a divorce and she would bring up the child stating that her father is dead. She even threatend stating that if its going to end in a divorce she would destroy me and everyone in my family. Next month we are planning to go to their house and talk. Im very clear about a divorce. I wanna give Talaq and end this. Please advise on what precautions that i need to take.
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1)you can divorce your wife as per Muslim personal law
2) divorce should be preceded with attempts at reconciliation
3) you can issue her reconciliation notice as per Muslim personal law where meeting can be fixed in presence of relatives for reconciliation
4) if wife does not reply issue her the 3 divorce notice as mandated by Muslim law
5) you have to mention reasons for divorce and pay her the Meher amount
The concept of 'marriage' among Muslims from the very beginning itself (is) regarded as a contract. Muslim marriage has been defined as a civil contract for the purpose of legalizing sexual intercourse and procreation of children. It is not a sacrament but a contract, though solemnized generally with the recitation of certain verses from the Quran. Muslim law does not prescribe any religious service essential for solemnization. Justice Krishna Iyer in 'Islamic Law in Modern India' considered the concept of Muslim marriage and stated that "in its legal connotation, Muslim marriage is essentially a contract, though marriage as a social institution is regarded solemn all over the civilized world, including the Muslims.
A Husband may divorce in the following manner-
1. Talaq: which is release from the marriage tie immediately or eventually.
2. Ila: where a husband of sound mind takes a vow that he will abstain from all relationship from his wife.
3. Zihar: where husband sane and adult compares his wife to his mother or any other female within the prohibited degrees.
Are you sunni or Shia?Sunnis, talaaq may be express, implied, contingent constructive or even delegated. The Shias recognize only the express and the delegated forms of talaaq.
Conditions for a valid talaaq:
1.) Capacity: Every Muslim husband of sound mind, who has attained the age of puberty, is competent to pronounce talaaq. It is not necessary for him to give any reason for his pronouncement. A husband who is minor or of unsound mind cannot pronounce it. Talaaq by a minor or of a person of unsound mind is void and ineffective. However, if a husband is lunatic then talaaq pronounced by him during “lucid interval” is valid. The guardian cannot pronounce talaaq on behalf of a minor husband. When insane husband has no guardian, the Qazi or a judge has the right to dissolve the marriage in the interest of such a husband.
2.) Free Consent: Except under Hanafi law, the consent of the husband in pronouncing talaaq must be a free consent. Under Hanafi law, a talaaq, pronounced under compulsion, coercion, undue influence, fraud and voluntary intoxication etc., is valid and dissolves the marriage.
Involuntary intoxication: Talaaq pronounced under forced or involuntary intoxication is void even under the Hanafi law.
Shia law: Under the Shia law (and also under other schools of Sunnis) a talaaq pronounced under compulsion, coercion, undue influence, fraud, or voluntary intoxication is void and ineffective.
3.) Formalities: According to Sunni law, a talaaq, may be oral or in writing. It may be simply uttered by the husband or he may write a Talaaqnama. No specific formula or use of any particular word is required to constitute a valid talaaq. Any expression which clearly indicates the husband’s desire to break the marriage is sufficient. It need not be made in the presence of the witnesses.
According to Shias, talaaq, must be pronounced orally, except where the husband is unable to speak. If the husband can speak but gives it in writing, the talaaq, is void under Shia law. Here talaaq must be pronounced in the presence of two witnesses.
4.) Express words: The words of talaaq must clearly indicate the husband’s intention to dissolve the marriage. If the pronouncement is not express and is ambiguous then it is absolutely necessary to prove that the husband clearly intends to dissolve the marriage.
Express Talaaq (by husband):
When clear and unequivocal words, such as “I have divorced thee” are uttered, the divorce is express. The express talaaq, falls into two categories:
1. Talaaq-i-sunnat,
2. Talaaq-i-biddat.
Talaaq-i-sunnat has two forms:
1. Talaaq-i-ahasan (Most approved)
2. Talaaq-i-hasan (Less approved).
Talaaq-i-sunnat is considered to be in accordance with the dictats of Prophet Mohammad.
So in your case if you want to divorce then the above said facts kept in mind. You can file case before the court of law under the ground cruelty ; Denial of sex by spouse is cruelty.
1. You can give her triple talaq and register the talaqnama with the registered Quazi.
2. Irrespective of her threats she does not have much option to destroy you. She can file 498A case but once you ger the bail which you will likely to get there is nothing left in the 498A case.
3. She can file maintenance case which you will have to give.
4. She can not refuse to allow you to meet the child. You can apply for visitation of the child.
1. If you have made up your mind to divorce her then you can pronounce triple talaq on her in accordance with sharia which can be challenged by her in the court which can set it aside as illegal.
2. You should be prepared to face criminal charges for dowry harassment, assault, domestic violence, etc which she may slap against you.
3. You are at liberty to file a petition for child custody to get the custody of your child.
Hi, you being a Muslim as per your customary practice you have to give divorce by "Talak" before the witness and same has to be communicated to your wife.
2. Because of personal vendetta she may lodge a police complaint for offence punishable under section 498/A IPC, in that case you have to take anticipatory bail before the court.
3. She may file DV petition before the court that is like civil in nature so you can contest the case on merits.
Greetings,
First and foremost thing before you take any step towards giving her Divorce is to collect as much evidence as possible to substantiate what ever you have mentioned in your query.
Start recording all the phone calls and conversations with her, let her abuse you on the phone, record all her threats to destroy your family,discuss with her about how she did not let you have a relation which a husband is entitled to have for so many years and how you respected her feelings and gave her space.
Only and only after you have collected all the evidences/recordings/proofs think of divorcing her as per sharia by sending her a notice through a registered Qazi calling her to come for reconciliation, if she fails then send three talaqs one each month for three months through Qazi and pay the money for the iddat period and be ready to support her and your child financially.
She might challenge the divorce in court and file cases of 498A, DV, Dowry cases against you, this is when your evidences will come in to your rescue and will also help you get anticipatory bail.
All the best
No doubt divorce may bring an end to all the tortures and humiliations you endured so far in life.
But your decision may provoke her initiate false criminal complaints in the name of dowry harassment,cruelty maintenance etc shall follow suit.
You got to be well prepared to defend yourself when such event emerge.
You visit their house, see if there are chances to save marriage by reconciliation, if it is not possible anymore, you may go ahead with your decision to give her talaq, come what may.
