My in laws and husband don't want me to visit my maternal home and don't let me talk to my brother and sisters. I am in a medical profession and before marriage, I used to take my mother(widow) to hospitals for her treatment. She is a patient of chronic schizophrenia. Being in a medical profession I better understand her medical care. I got married on 18 June 2017 and I discussed this problem with my the then would be husband. After marriage one day I phoned my brother and discussed about mother's health. It got me half an hour talking to my brother. My husband got angry and a short quarrel took place. He started abusing me. He started stalking me when and how long I am attending calls of my siblings. Now I m residing at my maternal home. My Inlaws say to me after marriage you should not help your mother, brother and sister. You should not even talk to them. Now you are only related to your husband and in laws. My mother is in depression. My brother sister feel helpless regarding her medical treatment. They need my help for this. To this my husband say to me either help your brother sister or take divorce. Sir I don't want divorce. I want my husband and in laws understand my situation. But they are not ready to understand. What should I do sir. I don't want to go to my to my In laws because they don't want me to treat my mother and help my brother sister. I want justice where it is written that a girl after marriage cant help her mother. My Inlaws are highly money minded. They keep checking where and how much I am spending my salary. They doubt me i give my salary to my mother and brother. They demand my salary in an indirect way. They never say it. Overall I feel tortured every bit of time when I am in my Inlaws house. Because they never say what they want from me, but express resentment and behave rudely. I want to save my marriage and don't want divorce. I am residing at my mother home for 3 months. If my husband file for divorce without my consent, will I be divorced. Where I am at fault. Pls suggest sir.
Hello,
See maam you are not stopped from helping your mother even after the marriage and of your husband is not allowing you to meet your parent then that amounts to cruelty.
Also, your husband can not give you divorce without your knowledge and if he proceeds to file a divorce then you will receive a notice. Please bear in mind that divorce can not be filed within one year of marriage.
No, even if your husband files divorce, the same will not be granted immediately before hearing you. I've gone through your query and I advise you the following:-
A. As of yet, you should return back to your husband. After going there, you could continue helping your mother and look after her medical condition. However, incase you face any resistance from your husband or in-laws, you could report the matter to the Police as what they are doing amounts to mental cruelty. They can't make any attempt to snap your ties altogether with your friends and family.
1) you are at liberty to help your mother and siblings after marriage
2) you are under no obligation to hand your salary to your in laws
3) if husband files for divorce contest divorce proceedings
4) contested divorce cases take 5 years to be disposed of
5) burden of proof is upon husband to prove allegations made in petition
B. So get back and see if they have changed their attitude a bit, if not, you could take recourse to lodging a FIR, besides a Complaint under the Domestic Violence Act.
C. Rest be assured, your husband is having no ground to divorce and even if he files a petition for divorce, the same will not be granted automatically.
Let me know, incase you need any other help.
Also please see if the matter can be resolved amicably, More than legal advise both the families need some consultation. I hope your marriage is saved and you live happily.
Regards
1. Getting a decree of divorce from the court in contested proceedings is not a cakewalk as one has to prove his allegations. You can contest his case as and when he files it.
2. On your part you can file a case under DV Act Section 12 to enforce your right to reside in your matrimonial home and also seek protection order against further acts of domestic violence.
If you think that matter can be resolved by the mutual understanding then you should avoid to initiate any civil or criminal proceeding against your in laws and husband. Intervention of police and judicial officers in the matrimonial dispute and cause serious harm to the relationship. In this condition you should give some cooling period to your husband to understand your condition and make him able to take good decision in your favour.
You should talk with her husband and discuss about matrimonial dispute and give him a chance to amicable settlement of all these disputes. I think it would be very tough for you but you should also try to understand the condition of your husband and be cautious to not enlarge this matrimonial acrimony.
1. It appears that you did not gel well in your marriage.
2. You have full right to spend your money where ever you wish to including your mother and brother for which they can not raise any objection.
3. No lawyer can convince your husband and his family that wives are not slaves and have equal standing in the society for which they can not be stopped from talking to their mothers and brothers the way the wives also can not stop their husband's to talk to their mothers and brothers.
4. It will be prudent on your part think about severing matrimonial relationship with him and start your life afresh for your future peace.
Sir my father expired 22 years ago when I was 10. My father's demise left my mother helpless with the responsibility of 4 children. We all brother sisters are successful today on our own. We respect and help each other in our negative time. My only brother(only son of my widow mother) has taken all the responsibility of my marriage. He is only one year elder to me and is unmarried. Our mother being mentally unsound does not talk much. My brother has to deal with my in laws. My husband abuses him and illtreats him when he tries to talk to him for settling the dispute. My brother amicably requested to hold a meeting to settle the dispute of my husband and me. In the meeting, my father in law accused my brother of illtreating his son(my husband) for earning low salary. My husband earns lower than me but I never illtreated him on this ground. Also my brother only suggested him to try for a better job to meet the requirements and responsibilities of a married life. That he took on his ego. One day my father in law (in their house) called me and my husband and told us "now both of you should invest your surplus money for your future". At night I discussed my husband about it. I told him about money I can invest. At this he yelled at me and blamed me that I am degrading him on his income. He shouted at me and ordered me not to discuss savings and investment with him. Whenever I try to talk to him he misunderstands and shouts at me. He is not at all ready to understand. Neither he wants to take any responsibility nor he gives me liberty. He says "you are a woman and should manage things on your own. Whatever negative circumstances you will have to face at my house that is your headache. Our family can't change for you". Now my husband and in laws are forcing me to quit my job for living in their house. I am a Govt employee and don't want to quit my job. I work in a hospital. My in laws are radha soami and eat at definite time. I come at home from duty at 6:45pm. My in laws eat at 7:00 to 7:30pm. They breakfast at 5:30am and lunch at 9:00am. Being working it becomes quite difficult for me to serve them food at their time. My mother in law make several bad comments on this. Before marriage they never told me about their eating times. They only told me they don't eat non-veg. They asked me to quit non-veg. Also my husband blamed me for not having physical relation with him. But that is not true. He also says he does not want children for some years. He wants to enjoy physical relation with me. I don't understand how I make him understand. He wants to leave the life as he was living earlier and don't want to understand the liabilities of a married life. I feel very helpless and depressed. What should I do. I am scared to go back to my in laws, because they are not ready to understand us. For them their ego is everything. They illtreat my brother a lot. I can't see this injustice.
Going by what you've stated, I'll advise you to return back to your husband and in-laws. Staying apart is not going to help at all
Return back and see if there is a change in their attitude. If nothing helps ultimately, you can take a legal recourse.
1) it is better you visit family counsellor with husband to resolve your differences
2) don't leave your job under any circumstances
3) don't purchase any property in joint names
4) if situation does not improve file for divorce by mutual consent
1. As I have already mentioned in my earlier post, it appears that you have not gelled well in your marriage.
2. Had you gelled reasonably in your marriage, all the said incompatibilities as mentioned by you would have been adjusted and both would have accommodated each other.
3. This incompatibility is likely to continue with both of you till you live together.
4. His demands are highly unreasonable and appears from jealousy and frustration.
5. Think of calling it a day having the matrimonial relationship with him as otherwise you shall have to continue with the said agitation which you are bearing now all through your life.
Then you may surely go ahead and file a divorce case maam.
In this condition you may approach the code for mediation. Then court will send a notice to your husband for appearance in the court at the specified time and date. On appearing of both parties to go to initiate mediation proceeding and try to settle this issue amicably. In these type of cases mediation proceeding is very effective and court works as a counsellor. You can press all the evidence before the mediator, you can also record statement. In the mediation proceeding you cannot make allegations against husband and also husband cannot make allegations against you. This procedure is adopted for settlement of matrimonial disputes mutual understanding of the party.
You have stated that your marriage took place in the month of Jun this year and out of it you have been staying in your mother's home for the last three months.
It means you hardly stayed in your matrimonial home
No doubt you can take care of your ailing mother at least as a doctor.
But this will not stop you from discharging your duties to yor matrimonial people.
If you want to save your marriage you may have to adjust and live with your husband and in laws.
There is nothing wrong in the expectation of your mother in law that you have to remain in your matrimonial home and not that you have to run to your mother's place frequently.
Within one year of marriage you cannot file divorce case nor your husband.
Any petition filed seeking divorce shall be informed to you by the court by sending you a notice to that effect.
So you need not worry that your husband can obtain divorce without your knowledge.
Whatever you have mentioned are nothing strange and it is not that it takes place only in your house, it is a common sight in each ever household.
These are trivial issues, blowing it out of proportion or managing it effectively is in your hands.
You cannot expect sophistication everywhere, you may have to sacrifice a few luxuries that you were enjoying in your parents house.
Even now your marriage is secured and effective, you can save the marriage by deciding positively on certain notes.
Your husband also can be brought under your control by adopting some tactics provided you should be willing to
You may wait a little more time for getting some relief to this if you dont take any step to solve this crisis.