Mental Harrasment and abuse by Mother-in-law
My story is a bit lengthy, I will like to request you to read it till the end. Thanks in Advance.
My husband and I got married in April, 2014. It was a love marriage for us. As we were working in a same MNC in Kolkata, we fell in love and got married within a year. I spoke to my mother-in-law and father-in-law quite a few times before our marriage and we had a decent chat. Just a few months before our marriage my in-laws paid a visit to our family. I lost my Father in 2013 due to a prolonged disease and was living with my elder sister and mother.
My mother-in-law is a school drop-out and had love marriage in a tender age of 16 with a man [my father-in-law] who was jobless and also school dropout like her at that time. But my father-in-law’s family had a big family business run by his dad, so basically he was a spoiled child. Due to his lack of knowledge and negligence to their family business they lost everything and left with zero penny. After this incident he tried his hands in small businesses but none of them ran properly. Now he is a very small dealer of manufacturing “bangles” for women around Kolkata.
My husband was raised by the parents of my mother-in-law, because they thought the environment of the house is not good for a child to grow up. When we started dating , my husband paid visit to my house quite a few times and after a few months when he proposed to me he told me he want to tell me something and wanted to be clear about his family. Because during his visit to my house he realized that the family I belong to is very different from his because everybody is well educated and established. I assured him there will be no problem from my side as I spoke to his parents over phone and I felt they are very sweet.
When my in-laws paid a visit for first time in our house [a few months before our marriage] , my mother-in-law looked quite unhappy for some unknown reason. Probably at that time we were living in a rented apartment and she was not happy with that fact. From her attitude and her communication she always felt us like we are very inferior in compare to them. In every discussion she was trying to mention about their big house and the fact that they own a big car [Although the car was bought by my husband when he returned from USA]. My husband felt ashamed and in front of everyone he tried to stop his mother. But she was dominating and then my father-in-law came into the picture and apologized on behalf of her wife. The last incident surprised me the most and I was compelled to say something. The incident was like that – She pointed out my sisters blonde hair and said she don’t think good girls color their hair. My sister is a Cancer-Scientist and she like to follow a good sense of style also, I was extremely angry and said defending her – “We are educated people and believe education and style goes hand-in-hand.” My husband supported me. After that she didn’t say anything. At the time of leaving she asked me my age.
After this incident I was determined not to get married in such a family. I spoke to my husband about that, he was trying to convince me and was upset about my decision. Next day my mother got a call from my mother-in-law and father-in-law that they liked me and want to fix our wedding date and if their words hurt us they are very sorry. My mother is a very simple and innocent person and she got convinced. For next few days she tried her best to convince me and obviously she was successful. After a few months they called our entire family to their house, I decided to stay home with my sister. My family members were extremely happy with their hospitality and my mom said my mother-in-law was a changed person. I thought this was the end of the incident.
The next day of my marriage when I went to toilet in my in-laws house I heard some people including my mother-in-law was talking about my skin complexion, hair and smile which according to them was not that good. They only agreed that my figure is good. And also they were trying to compare my looks with my husband’s sister and obviously found me uglier than her. When I was out of the toilet and on my way back to room I met my husband’s sister, without saying anything she asked which phone I am currently using, I told her the model but she wanted to see that. She dragged me into my room and snatched the mobile, her next question was “did my brother bought you the phone?” I said yes. I was surprised by her immediate reaction – she was screaming and shouting uncontrollably and immediately everybody gathered there. She started shouting at my husband why did she bought me a new phone without buying the same for her [Although she was using another expensive mobile gifted by my husband]. My mother-in-law immediately agreed with her and started scolding my husband. For your information she got married 6 months before our marriage and 7 years younger to me. My husband managed to control her and promised her a lot of things including a mobile also. Though later when my sister-in-law went back to her in-laws house my husband had a discussion with his father, he also agreed his daughter should behave properly.
Later when we spoke about this incident my husband looked visibly upset and apologized thousand times in front of me. Similar kind of incidents happened a few more time and sometimes when my sister-in-law paid a visit she opened my wardrobe without asking my permission, just to check if I have any new dress/jewelry and If she saw something new immediately report it to my mother-in-law. She was so shameless and always did these things when my husband was not home. When I told about these things to my husband he was extremely angry and started locking our room when we go out for work/any other places together. My mother-in-law continue to throw her tantrums to me for next 2.5 months.
After that my husband got relocated to Hong Kong. I decided to leave my job and joined a new Company in Hong Kong. We were happy for few months then her sister started calling him every now and then and asking for expensive gifts, like iPad, iPhone etc. and the list was endless. Then one day my mother-in-law called my husband in a fine evening and scolded him for not fulfilling his only sister’s wish, her excuse was more disgusting , she told my husband that as my sister-in-law’s husband cannot fulfill her wish so he is responsible to fulfill that. Wanted to convince him that Sister is more important than the wife and he should not buy anything for me if he is not buying it for his sister. That night my husband had an ugly fight with his mother and later his father also joined his mother to add spice to that fight. More over my mother-in-law told my husband that I tried to insult her and her family by flaunting my education and doing a job overseas. Also after that every time when she talked to my husband spoke bad words about my family and me and as usual it ended up with a big fight.
We are living in Hong Kong for last 2.5 years and pay visit to our family once in a year. Every time we went there she is prepared with a big fight, sometime she calls me unlucky, sometime curse me for not being pregnant after 2.5 years of marriage. We are living everyday with this. Now in addition to this my sister-in-law is suffering with a troubled marriage due to her bad behavior with her in-laws. Every time my mother-in-law calls my husband she consider me unlucky for her daughter. We are sick of this and don’t know how to handle the situation. I along with my husband tried to sit with my mother-in-law last time we went to India but she was not in a mood to talk. She started abusing my mother and my entire family that we are a bad family we don’t have anything and she is the best. She also said she is very lucky to have a full family not unlucky like my mother who is a widow. Not only my mother she also passed nasty comments about the character of my cousin sister, who is a University topper and also quite beautiful. I understand this fact that my mother-in-law is always very concerned about her own daughter who is not beautiful at all both by face and behavior. So whenever she saw any one better than her she immediately try to find flaws within that person, as if pulling others down will do any good to her daughter.
My mother only know a few things about this not in details, because she lives alone [my elder sister is also married] and I am scared if she falls sick. My sister knows everything. I asked my mom to do very little communication with my in-laws house.
We genuinely need some advice to handle the situation. I don’t know whether this is a right place to convey my message. I can’t see my husband in pain, Please help us!!!!!!!!