Domestic violence

I am totally shattered nobody is understanding wat am going's killing me like hell living without kids....and (my husband)has always troubled me with lots of nonsense abusive language and with day to day domestic violence and by doing my character assination always....I have being controlling my patience with best possible ability of mine all these yrs to bear all dis because of kids from last 14 yrs but don't know how to control my patience now I am done with all d family pressures to bear sometimes for d reason of kids sometimes for d reason of society sometimes for d reason how will I survive coz my parents r from poor background I lost everything today d social prestige coz my Inlaws thrown me out of house ,d social respect coz my hubby is giving wrong information abt me to my every relatives & society ,d name ,d life style ,d money I saved from my business ,d stock of my business and biggest of all my kids ....i am penniless now I am nt dat bad as these people r blaming me so dat they can make me there bonded labour I genuinely care for my kids and family but jus coz Neeraj(my hubby) wants to see me humiliated and hurted he falsely & wrongly blames me in front of soul has become dead it's like life has given me everything but in meaningless way....a husband who cannot give me love ,care ,protection and kills me into pieces wen he says ur prostitute ur randi ur dhandewali.....dat I am a characterless lady godddd y only me who has to suffer all dis and wen I revolt ether i being beaten badly or hours of loud arguments ,useless shoutings from everyone in d family everyone takes his side and m d only one who is banging my head with painful & hurted soul....internally I feel so week but still I try my best not to surrender in-terms of my self respect but my every effort becomes waste in front of thm as m alone versus all of my Inlaws ( Y only women is toutured by elligating her dat she is characterless ) Wanna die now I am a good mom but sadness & fights reuined me took my peace of mind made me a depression patient.... I always wanted to b good wife but my every effort was ignored and I was treated like an slave still I am wat I am I myself agree m nt perfect as nobody is perfect but for how long one keep trying and d other one keep humiliating on my small small mistakes to big big one ever appreciated me for any of my good deeds for any of my efforts to keep everyone happy....d bond btw husband and wife should b so strong dat nobody can ever think of breaking but in my case my hubby thinks our bond is nt strong coz of some or d other useless reason which has nothing related with our relationship....he thinks I shouldn't b having friends so I gave up my best buddies...thn he thinks if m holding ph in my hand dat means m chatting with some guys so I gave up ph....he asked me not to talk to my parents I even did dat thn he said me if m working from home i will b overshadowing him and my confidence will grow as these people hav being trying there best to mk me feel loser and prove me worthless all these yrs though i used to save & spend all my hard earned money on my family only but he with d help of his family members locked my boutique at once without even letting me know nt evn dat he kept my clients clothes with him which were inside his house all my clients shouted on me and I kept requesting but nobody listened to me.... he always gave me so much of negativity ,so much of mental trauma all d time i can't express in words....people will only think dat I m loser, I am bad character lady coz its male dominating society and wen her hubby himself saying all dis Abt me he must b true, she is at fault coz she didn't successfully handled her married life bla bla and bla....I never wanted to give up but now m totally broken totally alone i hav no brother no sister of real i wish i had one whom i could hav complained of these peoples constantly blaming games &too much of harassment on parents r poor as well very innocent so they never spoke anything in my favour coz they believe I should b staying till my death to d place m married so lastly from last 2yrs I started knocking police door for help but there also I didn't got any justice they ignored d seriousness of my pain all coz these people r so smart they always carry a advocate along with them and with public value and money they satisfy police nt to tk any action further .....I have being nice always with everyone still today m standing alone....he made me go insane day by day and today m totally broken don't know wat to do where to go ??? Where to seek for help ??my parents r so weak and old & now m living on there head like a burden they gave all these savings on me on my dowry they fulfilled all d demands my Inlaws put on them all these yrs and now wen they r retired and poor my Inlaws throw me out of house hurts me seeing my parents ill and weak and I can't do anything for them I can't even tk them to good doctor even I am penniless my husband thrown me out of house without a penny in my hand I use to save a lot from my hard earned money to secure for future & for bad times but dat also he has kept with him it's in many lakhs of cash they say I earned dat money in my hubbys house so it belongs to them not me and i hav dis in ph recording as a proof though i had many more ph recordings but they all deleted by there my business all d investment was mine I started my work from zero rs and successfully flourished all on my own with no ones support infact they all kept putting hurdles in my way still I used to fulfil all my family expenses in order to maintain peace in family and reason these people don't trouble me much in doing my business but still these people kept touturing me for me money was never d priority to earn in dat house i worked only coz to show thm dat m nt dat loser& it's only coz u all used to treat me very badly and never used to give any pocket money for my own self & I used to feel so lonely and disturbed by sitting whole day in depression alone thinking Abt daily fights & u knw how god opened d way of earning for me as I was nt even graduate and was nt allowed to go out of house for job thn by gods grace on one evening 5 yrs back in a marriage my hubby's frnds wife Monika asked me to design some suiTs for her from her old Saries as she was from baniya family and she had no idea for how to get made punjabi suits from her Saries I successfully designed for her and was a lot appreciated so dis is how I started working from home with no investment from thm but everyone in d family started touturing me seeing me successful in my achievement from my first saving I brought a led tv for my hubby thn Air-conditioner thn a car swift and so on I started using all my hard earned money to please everyone in dat house but it was all waste of my emotions to keep everyone happy those people r very rude bad but they r also very strong they kept fighting and making my life hell and many times provoked me to do incident was I went to a local market shop to bring bread for my kids it took me only 10 mins to return back home but I by mistake missed neerajs (my hubby) 2miss calls as it was winters and d vibration of ph I couldn't hear from my heavy jacket pocket he thn called my father dat m roaming somewhere with some guy on date my father called me and yelled on me I thn called my hubby being so scared inside he picked d ph and started using abusive language dat ur bitch must b fucking with some guy so d reason I missed 2 of his calls and thn he said wait and watch m coming home will kill u today I got so worried without any mistake of mine I was sweating out of fear in peek of winters he thn came home kept shouting On me kept hitting me with his shoes I lost my control to bear & hear all dat so I ranned towards d bathroom and to prove m honest I drunked D full bottle of Lysol it's a phynile my god it was terrible I was suffocating I couldn't breath and it was badly painful he called my father in law and mother in law seeing my condition my mother in law said marti bhi Nhi hai ek Bari mai pareshaan kerdiya hai isnai but my father in law said lets tk her to Docter they took me to pentamed hospital and there they said dat my maid gave me phynile thinking its a cough medicine and those doctors didn't bothered much Abt me dat how dis has happened as I said my Inlaws hav lot of money and public image so nobody bothered to see d seriousness of my case and like fool I also didn't told anyone nt evn my parents coz i still thought mayb my patience will bring colors to my married life and thn so on dis is nt d first time wen such incident happened like dis I hav 100s of more incidents to share but from last 3 times i hav being thrown out of house thn 2-3 months of separation than I am brought back from these people only and thn in my absence they tell there relatives I am in depression and sometimes if a phone bill collecting person comes they say I hav run with a yaar of mine, thn my clients said they hear very bad things Abt me in society....out of dis pain dat i lost all my dignity and then he was non stop fighting with me on daily basis and wen I used to complain my In laws they used to say dis was expected to happen we told u he will do like dis then y u come back home and if your here then u will have to bear it I became so depressed dat i took sleeping pills to take my life away but I never knew it won't kill me I became unconscious then they took me to pentamed hospital there they gave me first aid with glucose bottle but I lost my senses and lost my control of walking but these people also took advantage of my suicide attempt they proved everyone dat I am drunk or in some Nasshaa wen I escaped to go to police station and told them my story with 4 pages of FIR wrriten against thm but police didn't took any action not even dis they all locked me in d room and took d sim of my ph out so I can't seek for any help and gave me a orange juice mixed with more of sleeping pills so dat people should get an impression dat m so much drunk or in Nasha always thn my mother came she saw dis bad condition of mine from her own eyes this time so d reason she is supporting me and giving me shelter in her house otherwise I was never helped to save me from there toutures but they all always get away by blaming me wrong with d help of there lawyer and local police....i want justice from 14 yrs m suffering from dis harassment on daily basis ,mental trauma ,abusive and worthless life they even brainwashed my kids with d help of there money and by fulfilling there useless demands which I used to object.....don't know y m writing wen nobody is ready to listen me trust me god is watching I guess only he can help me as nobody ever came up for me I want to live peacefully and happily with my kids but my financial condition is very poor I can't do anything right-now plz help plz mk some way do something plz help me plzzzzzzzz help me I want my kids back I want my lost business back and a dignified life and I want my husband and Inlaws punished so dat no husband and Inlaws can ever agn think of making a normal happy go lucky lady's life hell and to d extend she loses hope of living and try takes her life away many times I was forced to live in d world of depression and loneliness....I couldn't ever breath in dat atmosphere always used to fear which mistake of mine will b highlighted and I will b punished....I wish I could die but thn I will b missing my kids and I will b troubling my parents in there old age with dis pain....but I am telling if I didn't get justice I will suicide in front of everyone soon plz save me help me I can't live without my kids he is not even letting me talk or meet kids at all and he is giving me threatening calls provoking me to do court case or to take an action and abusing me non stop help I can't survive like dis I can't live alone help me