Husband tortures me with his Silent Narcissist Treatment.
I am a B.Tech graduate and Mohan(husband) is an central Govt. employee with mere salary for survival. I have been born and bought up in Hyderabad and since marriage living with husband and in-laws in Bangalore. We have a 6yrs old son. My husband invokes “Silent Treatment” on me for weeks, and even longer, often with no explanation, as a way to control and demoralize since beginning of the marriage. I get the same treatment from his mother too. Both start behaving as if no person available in house, i.e., completely ignored. Everywhere is the same treatment and I have been the victim of blame and shame to the family since beginning of marriage. But no one is aware of his silent tortures on me. He is fond of using the Silent Treatment as a cruel (but not unusual) punishment for doing nothing wrong at all and, from experience, I can tell you that the affect of this method of control is sheer torture. The longer it lasts, the worse the separation anxiety becomes and the more likely I feel depressed, jealous, confused, isolated, unworthy etc. The more desperation I feel, the harder it is to follow the no contact rule and give up the need for closure. I become the puppet that he intended to create and he becomes the Puppeteer.
He hoovers or check back in periodically to make sure I am still hanging around waiting to be his next supply again. He wants me to be suffering – that’s the whole point of the game.
The more I suffer, the more he knows I really care….the more alive he feels. My misery is his lifeblood.
No contact allows him to breathe, relaxes in his skin, to realize that we he is worthy individual outside of the reality he creates for me. No matter how it’s he goes about it or why it happens or when it happens, the Silent Treatment always sucks me. The fact that I do not know why is I’m receiving the silent treatment that is only compounding to mental torture. He withholds sex as way of ignoring my feelings too.
I am always caught up in a web of deception and unclear motives, he manipulates and lies by withholding the information, denies feelings, always blaming me, minimizes others’ feelings, he pretends to be confused or ignorant, guilt, shame, and pretends that his tactics are intended to serve a good cause. He frequently uses gaslighting—he provokes me to an extreme or angry reaction, then blame for my reaction. Honestly he has NO EMPATHY.
I have come to know recently that his father has died because of my Mother-in-laws tortures and these siblings have carry forwarded the narcissist behavior in their personal life hence no growth/development and no property earned yet. All family members avoid to see their luxurious lifestyle and meet only during occasions. My husbands blames me for their family/friends members not visiting them.
I have spoken to Pyschiatrist and Mohan ignores to see too when asked upon. Trying for family counselling and he at his best not letting anyone come forward for the solution but tortures my parents with his manipulative information and demands to take me away. My parents have visited many times inspite of ill-health and operations done but he never allowed anyone from his side. But once all my in-laws came to Hyderabad and did 'tamasha'/degraded and insulted in front of the house for hours and that has affected my parents a lot. I want to take an action for miserable/degrading me and depriving my son from every emotions and love and my parents been tortured since beginning by him.
I started working but he never cooperated me in household things and child's daily care needs, but he set himself free from all household matters attending his work undisturbed/stress free. Approached police station upon physical emotional torture and is of no use going further as there is no effect in him.
To some extent I have proofs to prove him as "Silent Narcissist Husband". Kindly, Please advice me on how to go legally to free myself & son after separation and live threat less life from husband and also safe my parents too.
Thanks & Regards