Hi, Please read my story patiently. I know its little big. But pls, I request. We have done Love & arranged marriage.We are from different states. I am from Bihar and my wife is from West-Bengal. We know each other from 3 years before marriage. Our marriage was on 26-November-2014. I and my wife both stay and work in Bangalore. Problem: After marriage, she didn't show much interest in me and after 3 months only(March-2015), one day I just caught her messaging to her colleague in night 1am. Although she deleted her earlier messages, few msg came from that boy after catching her. Message was of type vulgar. However I & my parents tried to make her understand not to do these kind of thing as she is married now. My parents didn't scold at all, & told mistakes happens, but it should not be re-done again. I got to know from her friend that they were regularly talking in the office campus from 3-4 month. After this, I believed that everything is going ok. But in Oct-2015, she went to her native alone, as I didn't get leave. Since she had open her whatsapp in my computer once, so I could see the msgs she sends to anyone. There she messaged (whatsapp) boy to meet, who is known to her family, The boy told her to meet hidingly, not telling to her parent. However she denied to meet hidingly, but she desired to meet her. This thing I asked to her after I saw the msg. She was unaware that I checked her msg. She just gave excuse that nothing is like that. Then I was angry n stopped talking. She came back taking extra 5-6 days. After 2 days I talked and asked about the matter,and asked her if she wants to continue these stuff, she can get separate and do. I told I will tell her father. Then she started to shout and told that whatever I want I do, it doesn't affect her.She shouted some rubbish word also, even few i told. Then I slapped her 2-3 times. I called to her father, she then talked to her father during the fight. Her father told me let her go office right now. After 1 hr of fight she left to office. Then her father in evening told that she will not come back to stay with me. From that day, she is staying separately. In between my parents came to Bangalore to solve the problem. We requested her parent to come and discuss. But they didn't come at all, and told on phone that she wants divorce, she will not come back. It became 7 months, same condition still persists. She stopped talking fully. My parents called her many times. She didnt come. I thought she might be very sad being separate, but in whatsapp she has put some of her photo that she is enjoying trips, parties (may be with her frnds, boy or girl that I dont know) For extra info, I will tell, My wife had 2-3 boyfriends in her early life (before I met her) that she told me after marriage. Before marriage, she told that she had one boyfriend who ditched her. I felt bad for her for this. But I think now, its her habit to change her boyfriend. Now she & her parents wants divorce. In our side, its bad thing to take divorce. But she wants, so that she can enjoy her life as before (periodically changing boyfrnd) Please suggest me what should I do now? My situation is very bad. My email: anand.aniket@gmail.com
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1) there is no future in your relationship
2) it is better you split amicably s f file for divorce by mutual consent
3) if you refuse to divorce her she may file false cases of 498A or DV against you and your family members
5) she may file contested divorce and it would go on for years at end
It may be considered bad in your family to divorce but it appears to be the only solution to your problem as there seems to be nothing left in the matrimony. File for mutual divorce to separate amicably.
1. If your wife adamant to get divorce then you better take this. No marriage can survive if one partner is reluctant to lead a married life.
2. It is god that your wife wants divorce now. So you can get it at your terms.
3. later she can dictate terms to your disadvantage for divorce.
It is quite common these days nothing different in your life. However since your marriage was after a romance that culminated into a marriage it is quite surprising, you were her boyfriend and then became her husband, may she was not ready for marriage at that time, it just happened and now she is unable to live with that reality.
Counselling will help in such situations if she is willing to visit one take her there and you also go there yourself, you will discover things that you have not heard of before.
If your wife and her parents are adamant to dissolve the marriage then make it easier for yourself and go for a mutual consent divorce, it is less painful and very economical.
Attempt at reconciliation if this fails then since you have already been living separately since 7 months complete 1 year of separation and explore filing a mutual consent divorce in Bangalore itself since both of you are living here.
In my opinion she wants to live freely without any control by any relationship or binding or obligations due to marriage and the marital relatives etc.
She might have developed the habit of moving freely with friends (of both sex) and enjoy life as per her choice and desire. Any restrictions to this may furiate her and would instigate her to indulge more and more in such activities. She will not realise or have regard for marital relationship or binding, in fact she won't even care for the fate for the future of her married life. Under this situation you may not be able to force to return to the matrimonial fold to continue the marital voyage with you. If she wants divorce and is ready for mutual consent divorce, you may go ahead with her proposal and end this relationship without stretching it any further.
Thank you all for reading my problem patiently and for your responses. I can see all suggestions are similar, as to take mutual divorce. I think it will be good to go as you have said. I need to know one thing. When She wanted to marry, she married (although nobody from each family was ready before, but later all agreed), now she wants divorce, so I should give the divorce. I and my family have to do according to her will. She has done wrong. She went for other boys, I didn't go for any other girl. After this also, since I am still emotional for her, I want her back, the relation can be re-established with few changes in ourselves, forgiving & forgetting each others mistakes, taking promise from heart not to do anything which will affect our relation. I requested her and told this to her also. But she and her family are rigid on their decision. If I am not willing to give divorce, her family will wait for 2 years, after which there is some law that will make me to forcefully give divorce, they will do that only. I dont know about this law. One of my friend told that to put something called "Restitution of Conjugal Rights" so that I and my family will be safe if they put some case on us. Right now I am forced to do what she wants. Is there any law which will force her to come back. I think after coming back also, her habit won't go. Why Laws are favoring more to girls than to boys, even if girl is wrong. I have not done wrong, but me & my family are scared that whether her family will put any false case on us. Please tell me what should I do, I am in dilemma. Its painful to forget her, and its more painful to see her with other boy. And it will much more painful, if they put false charge on us and my family have to suffer. Please help. And kindly guide me what steps I should take to prevent me & my family from any trouble, in case her family put some false case.
1) Restiution of conjugal rights petition under section 9 of HMA wont serve any purpose
2) your wife does not want to stay with you . even if you file RCR case and obtain a decree your wife may refuse to stay with you
3) RCR case would go on 5 years
4) hence advised you to file for divorce by mutual consent . it takes 6 months you can then move on in life and remarry
You can put RCR also but if she is willing and ready to go for MCD then no purpose will be served by filing RCR. The law does not favour women. As I said previously, if criminal complaints are filed then apply for anticipatory bail.
One of my friend told that to put something called "Restitution of Conjugal Rights" so that I and my family will be safe if they put some case on us.
If you apprehend that she may file maintenance case or dowry harassment case or domestic violence case,all of which may be false, you may take precautions accordingly, i.e., taking anticipatory bail under the circumstances or to challenge her false cases properly in the trial court with strong evidences in your side. Filing a case under section for restitution of conjugal rights is actually a waste exercise, because even if this case comes in your favor, you may not be able to get her back to your home if she is not willing to join you back. No court can force her to live with you against her wishes. So dont get carried away by such frolics.
Right now I am forced to do what she wants. Is there any law which will force her to come back. I think after coming back also, her habit won't go.
It is evident from her behavior and attitude in the present days that she may not make any amends nor is there any indication that she will change in future, hence since there are very less chance for this, you should decide further course with such prudence.
Why Laws are favoring more to girls than to boys, even if girl is wrong. I have not done wrong, but me & my family are scared that whether her family will put any false case on us.
No law is favoring women, even if she files false cases, the burden lies on her to prove hence dontbe under that impression.
Please tell me what should I do, I am in dilemma. Its painful to forget her, and its more painful to see her with other boy. And it will much more painful, if they put false charge on us and my family have to suffer
Dont go behind the dead emotional feelings. She is hard and brittle to understand your feelings or will be affected by of your sentiments, even the law will not listen to your emotional feelings or earnests.
Therefore it is advisable to follow the due process of law by setting aside all your emotional feelings which will not have any value here especially with such people who dont deserve them.
kindly guide me what steps I should take to prevent me & my family from any trouble, in case her family put some false case.
As far as precautions is concerned as suggested earlier,wait for her to move police station with criminal complaint under cruelty or dowry prohibitions act. If the police summons you to attend the investigation session, first you all obtain anticipatory bail and then attend the session which will be more safer situation.
The false cases may challenge during trial before the trial court.