• Extra-marital affair

Its been 8 years that I am married , But I did not have a happy married life. My husband and I are working and my husband always concentrated on money rather than feeling or emotions. I got into an extra marital affair with my colleague and also he promised to get married to me if I got a divorce. But when I spoke about this to my husband he said he wont divorce me. And my husband also threatened my colleague to leave me. I dont want to live with my husband. But my husband keeps blackmailing me the chats or the photos he has and he is not ready to divorce me at any condition. He keeps telling me that I can go anywhere and do what ever I want but he wont divorce me. If I go to court he blackmails me that he will prove me characterless. 

Can I get a divorce ? how long might it take in this case? Will there be any action taken on my colleague in this matter.
Asked 5 years ago in Family Law
Religion: Hindu

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30 Answers

1. Decree of divorce can be sought from the Court by filing an application on grounds acceptable by Law of our Country.

2. The ground stated by you as "my husband always concentrated on money rather than feeling or emotions" is not an acceptable ground as per India law to grant a decree of divorce to you.

3. However, you can file a divorce petition on acceptable ground like cruelty submitting evidence in any suitable form like audio/video recordings etc. in support of your claim.

4. Your husband will be asked to counter and contest your allegation and after hearing both the sides, the Court will either pass decree of divorce or reject your divorce petition.

5. The whole matter might take 2 to 4 years to be disposed of.

Krishna Kishore Ganguly
Advocate, Kolkata
26791 Answers
726 Consultations

5.0 on 5.0

1) your husband can file case of adultery against your lover under section 497 of IPC

2)you can file for divorce on grounds of mental cruelty

3) contested divorce cases take 5 years to be disposed of

4) contact a local lawyer

Ajay Sethi
Advocate, Mumbai
89022 Answers
6344 Consultations

5.0 on 5.0

1) since your colleague is refusing to marry you under no circumstances should you file for divorce

2) forget your colleague and move on in life

3) visit a marriage counsellor with husband to resolve your differences

Ajay Sethi
Advocate, Mumbai
89022 Answers
6344 Consultations

5.0 on 5.0

1. You have entered in to a serious matrimonial problem now wherein you have entered in to an affair with a third person out of your wedlock which is illegal.

2. Your illegal paramour has breached his promise to marry you which made during the time when you were already married.

3. Breach of contract/assurance given while committing an illegal act can not be sued.

4. It will be prudent for you to note that divorce is the 2nd most stressful event in one's life and you never know whether your next man will be any better and in the instant case you found him to be even worse.

5. There is one way to teach him a good lesson in case you have any evidence of his having had physical relationship with you like chat record or both of your signatures in any hotel register for staying at night etc. and if your husband can pardon you and co-operates with you in this regard.

6. Your husband can lodge a police complaint against your paramour bringing the charge of adultery for which he will certainly be punished with jail term but nothing will happen to you since as per Indian Law, women can not be involved in adulterous relationship.

Krishna Kishore Ganguly
Advocate, Kolkata
26791 Answers
726 Consultations

5.0 on 5.0

1) to obtain divorce you have to prove allegations made in divorce case against your husband

2) admitting affair would not result in obtaining divorce decree faster

3) as mentioned earlier contested divorce cases take 5 years to be disposed of

Ajay Sethi
Advocate, Mumbai
89022 Answers
6344 Consultations

5.0 on 5.0

1) you can file case of dowry harassment against your husband u Dee section 406,498A of IPC

2) you can file for divorce on grounds of mental cruelty

3) husband manhandling wife and demanding money amounts to mental cruelty

Ajay Sethi
Advocate, Mumbai
89022 Answers
6344 Consultations

5.0 on 5.0

Hi,

If you don't wish to continue with this marriage you need to move ahead and leave separately and file a divorce petition after 6 months of separation on the basis of cruel nature of your husband since your husband is aware of your relation with your colleague he may file a case of adultery against you and that will become the best for your divorce as well.

If you wish to continue with this marriage as you have kept everything under cover you can continue as per your wish

Vimlesh Prasad Mishra
Advocate, Lucknow
6849 Answers
23 Consultations

4.9 on 5.0

1. As I have explained in my earlier post, running an affair with a third person out of the wedlock is illegal for which your husband can seek decree of divorce on the ground of cruelty on your part.

2. However, he is not complaining against you and your complaint against your husband is no ground for seeking divorce as per our law.

3. Divorce can not be sought on grounds unacceptable to our law.

4. It shall have to be understood that you can not file a divorce suit or claim divorce on the ground that you are having an affair with a third party. If you file a divorce suit against your husband on some ground like cruelty, then he can counter it by proving that it is you who were cruel on him by running an extramarital affair for which your allegation will be disproved and divorce suit will be dismissed.

Krishna Kishore Ganguly
Advocate, Kolkata
26791 Answers
726 Consultations

5.0 on 5.0

1. No. You can claim Rs.10 lakhs from him if you had given the same to him on loan and it is no ground for seeking decree of divorce.

2. You shall have to cook up stories of his cruel acts to file the divorce suit and there is every chance that he will prove before the Court that you yourself illegally ran an extramarital affair for which you want divorce now by ruining his married life for no fault of him.

3. In Western Countries, 'Irretrievable Breakdown of Marriage' is a valid ground for divorce but not in India.

Krishna Kishore Ganguly
Advocate, Kolkata
26791 Answers
726 Consultations

5.0 on 5.0

Pulling a dead marriage tantamounts to cruelty there are judgements on it file the same, serve copies upon your husband and if doesnt reciprocate to such 3 to 4 times, pray before the court to pass ex parte divorce decree.

Aveek Bose
Advocate, Kolkata
1222 Answers
9 Consultations

4.7 on 5.0

I believe that you are financially stable woman, so dont worry about the man in your life, if you are not happy, go for divorce, contest ot, and yes things do get ugly in divorce cases but if you huaband ja not ready for mutual divorce then you have to contest it.

He will definitely make allegations. But in the end what is needed is divorce. Women keep thinking about men, i would say if you are stable and educated after divorce you can have anyone in your life

Varnika Singh
Advocate, New Delhi
327 Answers
2 Consultations

4.9 on 5.0

Handwritten note will help you in making out a case that husband had harassed you for money after marriage

2) engage a local lawyer file for divorce on grounds of mental cruelty and seek custody of your child

3) seek maintenance for child

4) rely upon e-mails , messages exchanged with husband to make out a case

5) also file complaint of dowry harassment as mentioned earlier

Ajay Sethi
Advocate, Mumbai
89022 Answers
6344 Consultations

5.0 on 5.0

Recovery of your amount you have to file a money suit in Civil Court stating that the amount was paid to him interest free since he is not returning it back he has to pay the interest on the balance amount from date of civil suit. Procedure in divorce your please follow the procedure given in my previous reply

Vimlesh Prasad Mishra
Advocate, Lucknow
6849 Answers
23 Consultations

4.9 on 5.0

Hi

Ma'am you file divorce petition under 13(1) HmA and start the proceedings , contact a local lawyer he would tell you the requirements.

And for CLEVERLY recovering your 10lakhs you need to have some ideas.

Better ask 10 lakh as one time settlement alimony amount.

Child's custody is always preferred to mother so it's not an issue.

Wife cannot be charged for adultery .

Thank You

Rahul Jatain
Advocate, Rohtak
5365 Answers
4 Consultations

4.8 on 5.0

1. First step for purposefully filing a divorce suit is to find out the cause/ground acceptable by law for seeking the said divorce from your husband.

2. No divorce will be decreed after multiple years of hearings unless your grounds are acceptable to the law and unless adequate evidence in support of your said ground/cause has been produced by you.

3. So, having collected the evidence in support of your allegation against your husband which constitutes the ground for seeking divorce by you, you shall have to file the divorce suit submitting the said evidence in support of your allegation.

4. Mother is the natural guardian of her children up to their 5 years of age.

5. After you file the divorce suit (even before that) he might file a child custody case on the ground that his children should be given to his custody for their welfare and at that time if he can prove that you had ran an extramarital relationship with a third party outside your wedlock, then the child custody case will certainly be tilted in his favour.

6. You can file a Money Suit for recovery of your Rs.10 lakhs which he is now refusing to pay but it certainly be contested by him and it will not be a ground acceptable by law for seeking a decree of divorce.

Krishna Kishore Ganguly
Advocate, Kolkata
26791 Answers
726 Consultations

5.0 on 5.0

Do you have the evidence that you gave him 10 lakhs if yes then you can file recovery suit, and you can also mention in divorce petition that you lend him 10 lakhs.

For divorce file a petition in family court under section 13 og hindu marriage act. As the child is small court should be in your favour for custody and the father will be given visitation rights, you can also claim child maintenance.

Higher a decent lawyee

Varnika Singh
Advocate, New Delhi
327 Answers
2 Consultations

4.9 on 5.0

It appears riding on two horses at the same time has made your life a mess.

So don't worsen it further. Atleast his lack of emotions was not due to the other woman but for money which I am sure he would use for welfare of the family only.

So don't make a fool if yourself anymore. Return to your husband. You must appreciate that he is still willing to stay with you even knowing your infidelity.

Devajyoti Barman
Advocate, Kolkata
22515 Answers
407 Consultations

5.0 on 5.0

THE FOLLOWING MAY SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM:

Why Extra-Marital Affairs Happen And Are Here To Stay

Why do extra-marital affairs happen? This post examines the many reasons for extra-marital affairs and why they are here to stay.

Those dreaded words. E-X-T-R-A M-A-R-I-T-A-L A-F-F-A-I-R-S

As a child, I saw them in the movies and they were almost always considered “taboo”. Today, I hear and see several people (especially in their 30s) having extra-marital affairs. These are individuals living in India and abroad – from diverse socioeconomic backgrounds, and seem to be having things going well (at least at face value)…

And then you hear / see of them having an extra-marital affair.. You can’t help but wonder, Why?

Something obviously went wrong somewhere. In this post, I am listing some possible reasons as to why people indulge in an extra-marital affair (based on my own observations, reasoning and speaking to people who have experienced/are experiencing this).

Early marriage

People who marry in early 20s would most likely have achieved some level of stability and social standing by their mid-30s. At that point, they feel that they did not really live and enjoy life in their 20s, and find it exciting to indulge in an extra-marital affair – to experience the thrill of dating and the associated excitement that comes with it.

Married for the wrong reasons

Many people enter into marriage for the wrong reasons. Pressures from family and society top the list. After a point, many people say ‘Yes’ to marriage without even getting to know their life-partner. After marriage, they recognize the differences and after a point realize the mistake they have made in terms of the choice of their life partner. If they meet someone who is in any way better than their current spouse, they are immediately attracted to him/her. And what starts as a simple friendship usually ends up in an affair.

Inability to deal with changes

Life throws changes at us almost everyday. Most of us are able to deal with the small changes. But the bigger ones are tougher to deal with – like an ailing member in the family, death, loss of employment, financial loss, etc. Many turn to people apart from their spouses to deal with such changes. They find it more comforting than the comfort of their spouse; and thus starts an extra-marital affair.

Becoming parents

Becoming parents changes everything about a husband-wife relationship, the top one’s being that priorities change, the time you give each other reduces and your immediate living environment changes drastically. While most women give their 200% into being mothers, I know of several men who suddenly feel lost and unimportant at home, and indulge in extra-marital affairs. And since most women are usually so busy being mothers, they probably don’t even realize this for a long time

[NOTE: In my experience, extra-marital affairs seems to be more predominant in couples after they become parents, and where the women is elder than the man]

Physical dissatisfaction

This is probably one of the most common reasons for people to get involved in an extra-marital affair.

Emotional disconnect

We all change with time, and sometimes a couple grows emotionally disconnected from each other, the top reasons being lack of time and lack of communication with each other. To be emotionally connected, you need to share, you need to talk, you need to express, you need to listen, you need to laugh, you need to care and show that you care… If you don’t do this, over a period of time, chances are you will get emotionally disconnected from each other as a couple. And start getting emotionally connected with someone else. What starts out as an emotional bond with someone can eventually lead to an extra-marital affair.

Disagreement on core values

Sometimes when you experience a tough situation in life, your core values are tested. And you have to make decisions which may not be palatable to your family – especially your spouse. Sometimes this could be the cause for irreconcilable differences, which triggers an extra-marital affair.

Differing life priorities

When a couple gets married, many times they don’t speak about life priorities – simply because it is not so important or people are not so clear. With time, the priorities start getting clearer and more pronounced, and increasingly divergent. Over time, these become so different that it becomes tough to live together and agree on even basic things on a daily basis. This can be a catalyst for an extra-marital affair.

No common interests

Lack of any common interests between a couple can sometimes be the cause for an extra-marital affair. After a point, each person starts doing their own thing, and the couple end up not spending any time together. As you spend time away from each other, you get opportunities to interact with others. And gradually start building a bond with those who have some common interests like yours. Many times this leads to an extra-marital affair.

Need for excitement in life

Sometimes it is sheer boredom or a need to break the monotony and drudgery of everyday life that is the reason for an extra-marital affair. Just for fun, for a change or for some excitement (?)

Personal finances

Difficulties in personal finances (excess debts and liabilities), or lack of agreement on personal financial management can sometimes be the trigger for constant bickering within the four walls. And at such a vulnerable time, any one who gives a hearing to your woes or some financial support is welcome. And this can lead to an extra-marital affair.

Career Advancement

Sad but true! Some people get into a relationship simply because they believe it can advance their careers.

While these are the broad reasons, usually it is a combination of many of these which drives people into an extra-marital affair.

Whatever said and done, it is tough

To see a couple go through the stress of an extra-marital affair

To go through one yourself

To see your spouse have one

Relationships are broken.

There is distance between families.

Children are affected (if you have them).

One’s trust in life…and the world is lost.

Not an easy situation to be in…

Kishan Dutt Kalaskar
Advocate, Bangalore
6069 Answers
392 Consultations

4.8 on 5.0

1. Since your husband has refused to apply for mutual consent divorce the only remedy in your hands is to file a petition for divorce unilaterally on the grounds tenable under Indian law. Your grievance is that your husband is more interested in money than your emotions, which does not constitute mental cruelty. So no ground for divorce can be culled out from your statement of facts.

2. Your colleague cannot be a party to the divorce petition.

Ashish Davessar
Advocate, Jaipur
30763 Answers
972 Consultations

5.0 on 5.0

What you did with your colleague was illegal in the first place. Adultery is opposed to public policy, and any agreement which is opposed to public policy is not enforceable under the Indian Contract Act.

Ashish Davessar
Advocate, Jaipur
30763 Answers
972 Consultations

5.0 on 5.0

1. If you file a divorce petition wherein your husband levels an allegations of being characterless against you then you cannot get divorce. You have to prove your allegations in order to get a decree of divorce. One who goes to court has to stand on his own feet and prove his own case.

2. Some isolated incidents of manhandling do not constitute cruelty but if this happens regularly then surely it does fall within the mischief of cruelty but you will have to prove this in the court.

Ashish Davessar
Advocate, Jaipur
30763 Answers
972 Consultations

5.0 on 5.0

1. Any money that a spouse voluntarily gives to his/her spouse without an agreement to repay it with or without interest is not recoverable from him.

2. You may, if you choose, file a suit for recovery of money against him in the competent civil court, but you will have to prove that he had agreed to repay the money.

Ashish Davessar
Advocate, Jaipur
30763 Answers
972 Consultations

5.0 on 5.0

There are lot of questions so copy pasting answers to each question here:

Q. Can I get a divorce ? how long might it take in this case? Will there be any action taken on my colleague in this matter.

Ans. Yes you can take a divorce. It depends on case to case. If your husband takes an allegation of cheating against you or adultery than your colleague will be persecuted against adultery. Adultery is only culpable in case of an intercourse. How far your relationship has gone and what kind of proofs your husband is threatening you with is all co-relative. Probably he does not have any proofs and only blackmailing you but do not take any chances in that case.

Q. This colleague of mine promised to marry me . But now says he has changed his mind . I am confused about what to do .

What is the action I can take on my colleague for playing with my emotions.

Ans. I apologise for being so blunt. But since you are married you cannot take any action against your colleague while saving your skin also. I would not suggest regarding that.

Q. If my husband makes an allegation about my character since he has proofs will I get a divorce faster ?

Ans. Even if your husband makes an allegation regarding your character and refuse to give you a divorce it cannot make divorce proceeding go any faster. At the same time you can seek divorce on legal grounds but probably this will help to avoid giving you any alimony. In case the Court agrees with your husband only things you can stake your claim to is your stridhan.

Q. Does Man handling and also now says he wont return the money around(10 lakhs) that he had taken from me can these be stated as a reason for divorce.I have the photos as a proof. Also I am not living with him from past 4 months.

Asked 1 day ago

Please advise me the steps needed to be taken to apply for divorce and also what are the documents required before I proceed for that. I do not need any alimony from my husband as I am working and also I have kids who are of age 6 years . Will he create a issue stating that I have an affair and not give me the authority of taking care of kids please advise.

Also he denies to give back the 10 lakhs he had taken from me. How can I cleverly recover that . I only a hand written note that he had given me , stating what is the amount and how much loan he needs to give me per month will that be of any help.?

Ans. The hand written note is sufficient proof that he has taken money from you. You can say that he has taken money from you the onus will be on him to prove that he has returned that money to you.

SInce you are not living with your husband since 4 months. Has he made any attempt on contacting you or asked you to come back. You can file for divorce. The time period of being able to granted a divorce depends on the Court. You can mention in the Court that you are not seeking alimony for yourself but I would suggest that you seek maintainance for your child.

The custody of the child is the discretion of the Court. If your husband alleges adultery on your part it can go either way depending upon who is able to sustain the respective charges on each other. But I would suggest this strongly that both spouses should discuss this with open mind and take a mutual consent divorce as this battle would also affect your child.

You can seek divorce on the grounds of cruelty but then you will also need proofs to sustain your claim.

These are documents required for filing of a divorce.

Address proof of husband

2. Address proof of wife

3. Marriage certificate

4. Four passport size photographs of marriage of husband and wife

5. Evidence proving spouses are living separately since more than a year

6. Evidence relating to the failed attempts of reconciliation

7. Income tax statements for the last 2-3 years

8. Details of profession and present remuneration

9. Information relating to family background

10. Details of properties and other assets owned by the petitioner.

I hope I have sufficiently replied to your query. Kindly let me know if there is anything else you need consultation on.

Richa Bharadwaja
Advocate, Delhi
25 Answers

4.8 on 5.0

Can I get a divorce ?

You can file divorce on the grounds of mental cruelty but it depends on how you plead the cruelty and the incidences that took place in your married life to prove cruelty whether it was mental or physical cruelty, you may discuss with a lawyer in the local and prepare the pleadings accordingly so that it is effective and is maintainable till the end.

how long might it take in this case?

The time taken for disposal cannot be predicted owing to various factors involved in it especially when he decides to contest and puts up a strong fight back.

Will there be any action taken on my colleague in this matter.

Your husband may try to initiate legal action against your paramour on the grounds of adultery, hence you got to be careful to not to let any evidences describing compromise position with him.

Dont leave any evidence that may become fatal to your own case.

T Kalaiselvan
Advocate, Vellore
79182 Answers
1611 Consultations

5.0 on 5.0

this colleague of mine promised to marry me . But now says he has changed his mind . I am confused about what to do .

What is the action I can take on my colleague for playing with my emotions.

There is no solution in law for such emotional fall outs.

You cannot claim anything as a right from him

You cannot even file a cheating case agaisnt him because you are a married woman hence you cannot demand adulterous relationship with him as a right.

If he is not willing to continue the relationship with you, better ignore him and concentrate on your own life at least henceforth.

T Kalaiselvan
Advocate, Vellore
79182 Answers
1611 Consultations

5.0 on 5.0

If my husband makes an allegation about my character since he has proofs will I get a divorce faster ?

You have filed the divorce case on the grounds of cruelty.

If your husband decides to fight back and not to give you divorce at all, then he may even plead that he is willing to condone your acts of adultery and would take you back, then the court may decide the other way, hence better think properly and take wise decisions at right time.

Do not give room to emotions and take any decision in haste.

T Kalaiselvan
Advocate, Vellore
79182 Answers
1611 Consultations

5.0 on 5.0

now tell me if my husband proves I am character less in court or I talk of affair will I get the divorce fatser. Is it a crime to talk about it in court ?

Your husband cannot make wild allegations about your character or your personal life and cannot take shelter under it to spoil your reputation.

You can file a defamation case also against him for assassinating your character.

However that way, it depends on how he would like to move on with the case.

He cannot prove the acts of adultery by just making a statement or with flimsy and inadmissible evidence.

The evidence namely the whats-app chat or voice recordings are not admissible in court to prove his allegation of adultery.

Until you admit his allegation, this will not be a point to consider as a prayer for divorce.

T Kalaiselvan
Advocate, Vellore
79182 Answers
1611 Consultations

5.0 on 5.0

Does Man handling and also now says he wont return the money around(10 lakhs) that he had taken from me can these be stated as a reason for divorce.I have the photos as a proof. Also I am not living with him from past 4 months.

The physical and mental cruelties are to be pleaded as grounds for divorce and you can produce the supporting documents before court, let the court decide to admit them or not on the basis of his objections.

T Kalaiselvan
Advocate, Vellore
79182 Answers
1611 Consultations

5.0 on 5.0

Please advise me the steps needed to be taken to apply for divorce and also what are the documents required before I proceed for that.

The grounds for divorce is cruelty, both physical and mental.

You can collect the documentary evidences for such incidences that have taken place in your married life in support of your plea.

You can gather all those documents which may be reliable to this case.

Will he create a issue stating that I have an affair and not give me the authority of taking care of kids please advise.

You can keep the child with you, let him file a child custody case and put forth his reasons and grounds seeking custody.

You can produce the documentary evidences for having taken your money and his main motive is to take your child with him to give you emotional blackmail in the name of child and to extort money from you, this way you can defend your interests in the child besides other interests.

Also he denies to give back the 10 lakhs he had taken from me. How can I cleverly recover that .

If you have evidence for having advanced this amount to him, you may file a money recovery suit against him to recover the same.

T Kalaiselvan
Advocate, Vellore
79182 Answers
1611 Consultations

5.0 on 5.0

Yes you will get divorce.

Dhanashree
Advocate, Bangalore
4 Answers

4.0 on 5.0

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