Dear Sir/Madam, I am Khushboo Sayed. I got married on 13 May 2016.It was love cum arranged My mother in law was once a social servicer. My husband has 5 siblings. All are married except the eldest sister which stays wth us. I had 2 months of my marriage normal. But my MIL and SIL has a dominating nature.The sisters and mother rules the life of bothers My MIL and SIL harasses mentally. I was working & was assigned of Making chapattis & use to do dusting on Sundays. My mother in law just keeps on complainin dat I do not work She fills my husbands mind with negativity & tells him that I do not respect her as once I had an argument with her. She had asked me to take leave which heated up after she claimed I have made her daughter maid.I became the betamiz bahu who back answers. She wants me to tak permission.She wants me to inform her 2 days prior if I have to meet my parents.She once abssued my parents. She says filt for my family and marks herself and her family as superior. Hubby & i cnnt go out for trips alone.She complains I dont do any work eg wash clothes, wash toilets, bath rooms.Which is completely wrong as after my work I use to go and work whatever was not done. I use to put my house clothes in general washing whereas office wear I use to wash my self. But she said once that Tu Kaam kya karti hai sirf roti banati hai tere utre hui kapde bhi yelog dhote hai. SInce that day I started washing my clothes. They say its a join family then why these statments. I dont understand whether they wanted a Bahu or a maid. Recently I have quit my job as I tot may be I was not up to the expectation of there's, On feb 17 2017. We had a argument as me and my husband went for interview for dubai opening and we failed to inform her returning back home she said that my husband can go but I have to stay with them. I called my parents. My mother in law was shouting that I would harm myself and put them behind bars. She told me that I do not have any right on that house and sister has as it was her fathers house and was doing drama of foldng hands in front of my husband. My bother in law shouted to get out of his house and my husband was mum. From that day I am at my parents place and now I am hearing that my husband want to stay with me but his people has lot of ego and does not want me back. He has pressure from his people and has no power to take action as he is under his mother and 3 sisters. My parents and i are ready to bend as I really love my husband and do not want this relation to end like this I want to give a last chance. So I have decided to back but I am afraid if I would get hurted after going back. My parents has advised me to write a formal letter to Social Service branch and then go back. I really need some solutions and suggestions. Please help.
1) if you return to your matrimonial home and are assaulted by your mother in law , sisters in law and their husband file police complaint against them for coninuous acts of cruelty
2) obtain medical certifcate as to nature of your injuries .
3) you can file DV case against husband and in laws and seek alternative accommodation . protection order, and maintenance
4) contact a local lawyer
1.How could you stay in the house where your protector-husband has no guts to raise even murmur of protest.
2.Having affection for one;s own mother/sister does not mean that he will not oppose their atrocities agaisnt you.
3. You must be firm this time.If you keep a stern stand then only your husband.
4.To have a peaceful life with your husband is your legal right and you must not sacrifice this for any petty social/religious reason.
5. Stay with your husbnad only if that means staying separate from your in laws.That alone can solve the problem.The more lenient you would become the more problem would befall you.
Hello Khushboo,
First note that come what may your in laws can not through you out of your matrimonial house irrespective of the fact that the house is on your father in laws name.
You should take a bold stand and should go and stay in your matrimonial house. You and your husband seems to have no issues or small issues between you and hence your husband should support you and for the purpose of same it would be brilliant if you and your husband move out of your matrimonial house and stay seperately - anycase you both are educated and you too were working. You should speak to your husband meet him and convince him the best way you could - you know how you can convince him .
You SIL and MIL are the issues and can only be resolved when your husband takes a stand. AT this stage it is not suggested to go legal in any way, going legal will infuriate your husband unnecessarily. AND remember no one can harm you of no reason - when you gate crash your matrimonial house if someone try to restrain your efforts call 100 .
Best of luck
Since you have an apprehension that harm may befall you if you return to your matrimonial home you may file a case under DV Act, 2005 to seek protection order against your in-laws. The magistrate can pass a protection order even on the very first hearing. If his order is violated by your in-laws they may be jailed on your solitary testimony.
Thank you for your replies. I have already tried ti talking with my husbands and tried to convince for staying separate but recently we had a loss of father in law and he says he has responsibilities and cannot stay separate. He has to take care of unmarried sister as well. Before marriage I had told him that I had no issues in staying in join family but i did not knew their nature which I came to know after i stayed with them and i really cannot stay in that environment. What is the way that my husband gets ready to stay separate.
There is no legal remedy to get your husband separate. Either you will have to adjust with them in the joint household or convince your husband somehow to go separate.
1) inform your husband that you can stay in separate flat 5 minutes walking distance from his parents residence
2) not necessary to stay in joint family
You want to save the marriage and want to give it another chance but also are afraid of your safety in your matrimonial home.
Under this situation you may issue a legal notice to settle the problems and instruct him to come to your home and take you back into the matrimonial fold.
While he is visiting your house, you may sit and talk with him personally and sort out all the issues including the decision to live separately out of your mother in laws house
I have already tried ti talking with my husbands and tried to convince for staying separate but recently we had a loss of father in law and he says he has responsibilities and cannot stay separate. He has to take care of unmarried sister as well. Before marriage I had told him that I had no issues in staying in join family but i did not knew their nature which I came to know after i stayed with them and i really cannot stay in that environment. What is the way that my husband gets ready to stay separate.
If you feel that you cannot stay with him in that house due to the arrogant behavior of your sisters in law and your mother in law's dictates.
1. The problem you are facing is adjustment problem which is very common in Indian families.
2. Here the MIL and SIL tries to dominate and the newly wedded bahu refuses to adjust at any cost.
3. It is strange that your husband is keeping silent on this issue and has not yet contacted you at your parent's house.
4. Establish contact with him first for patching up the difference with your in laws.
5. Enter his house with his silent support and then try to patch up the disputes with your in laws.
1. No body can force your husband to separate from his mother and unmarried wife and lead a happy married life with you.
2. It will be prudent on your part to go back to his house with his tacit support and then patch up with your inlaws.
3. Hope you have visited his house after getting the news of your FIL's demise 9if he dies after your leaving their house). this is the opportunity to patch up things.
4. Please note that this is the most common problem faced by Indian house holds and this problem fades away with the passage of time and you shall have to bear till then.
Today my dad contacted my MIL and she is stuborn for a panchayat type of meetin after eid 27/6 almost a month I am here at my parents place since 17feb & nw still dey want time as all r in prayers durin dis moth. my dad and MIL hd argument agn as she is jst stretchin dis topic. Shud I go wth my parents or shud wait till eid. Goin instead even aftr sayin dat there will be meet will it seem to be against her will?As I presume dat meetin wil make our marriage worst as it will hve only arguments w/o any solution. MIL dos not lke me frm d beginin & my husband hs no guts at all & they dont want me bck but i wnt 2 settle my & live lfe happliy agn.wht is the suggestion?
you can return to your matrimonial home now
2) not necessary to wait for EId
3) if there is no reconcilation then take legal proceedings as advised earlier
If you anticipate more trouble during the meeting with your matrimonial people, you may better avoid the same.
You may give them time and wait for the festival to be concluded.
If you dont get any response after that too, then you may initiate legal action though police or court instead of falling at their begging for your life.
You should not lose your dignity nor you should go begging for your life.
Law has provided full secured married life for women of any community, hence you can utilise law for your safety and well being.
1. It appears that you want to settle the problem and return to your husband at any cost.
2. Contact your husband and ask for his help to pacify your MIL.
3. Since fasting is going on now, it is not unreasonable that they want the meeting after eid.
4. In the meeting try to pacify her in presence of the elders.
5. Go back to your husband with his support and his support in this matter is very imnportant for you staying there.