Hi, I am a lady,24 years old,engineer,working in MNC. I am emotionally literally stuck into an relationship with a guy during 1.5 years. We knew each other for 7years but due to life didnt get to each other well early. He went desperate about having my commitment for my life spending with him,he did all possible way to made me believe that he truly loves me,he wanted me to tell me about him to my family ,and i did so.
before introducing him to my family I have discussed with him on a serious note,that he should think twice before taking any impulsive decision because I see romantic relationship in a very serious manner and I am not one of those who will be able to live on after a breakup. He repeatedly assured me :
1. he cant think about seperation and that wont happen ever,if that happens I can kill myself.
2. he will always be by my side whatever happens in any of our family,no matter what.
3. I clearly told him,I am 24 and within 2 years I will have to get either married or engaged because i dont have father and my mother is very ill,so she at least wants to see me settle. I didn't pressurize him but clearly and calmly asked him will he be able to do that when situation arise,he assured he will be with me and wont have family with any other girl in future.
After all these assurance I really thought that he really loves me and i started to respect him and fell for him gradually. I am a kind of person who doesnt take relationships lightly and also dont like those who takes it as a hunting game,neither boys nor girls.
after an year or so, I have started noticing some peculiar behaviour in him and some kind of unreasonable obstruction.
1. He lives in a family where everyone else has done love marriage,he always told me there wont be any problem in his family regarding my acceptance there.
2. But whenever I have asked him to introduce me to his family,He never showed any interest. initially he gave excuse like his sisters had exams,give some time,mother's health is not well,stress and all ,but eventually it was 6 months or so he avoided. He gave his mother's no but gave me condition no to call there in any situation,not for even any ocassional wishes.
2. he refused me to give his father's no as well.
3. he never wanted to introduce me with his college friends, rather he warned me that ill lose him if i ever try to contact his college friends by any means. As an answer to my question why it is so he simply replied "I had a really tough time there,only i know what i had to got though". As a partner whenever i asked him to share things with me at ease he refused and his answer was "nobody will understand". he still has contact with his college and school friends but he has always found some reason not to take me to them till now. I really dont have any clear idea why so,which eventually is emerging as a suspicion for me.
4. Many times I had a good time with him,but he always used to feel "hurt" like a morning tea, If i refused to have physical intimacy in open places. As a person i dont like to get physically involve before I get to know he is the one who will be sharing his life with me,that too in a place which is not private. so anytime i showed discomfort to it he always had a tactic to manipulate my mind in such a way where he made me feel I am guilty,i am the one who is thinking and doing wrong,i am depriving him from something which is basic human right, and also he starts crying if i dont feel the same urge out of my ethics.
5. he had a condition i cant have his 100% love if i am not the one who can complete him fully.And usually that meant intimacy for him. 1000 times i have made him know that ill will be left nowhere if he someday we have to be apart because I am accepting him as my husband,as he asked me for to consider him,and no body else will future cant have that acceptance. Whatever i gave him was not because without that i woulnd have got his 100% but simply I couldnt see him upset all the while and his tears.
5. he came to drop me almost everyday at my locality,everybody who knows me there have seen him,he always used to hold me when we walked.
6. Despite of my unconditional love, I have been hurt so many times but left wounded. always have tried to console him,to fulfill his needs,wishes. One day my family wanted to meet his family,and so i requested him to arrange one.
7. he never agreed in a happy way. He assured its fine for him to get engaged now,but suddenly its not possible for him. He shifted his home but refused me to share the address, reason showed he is not aware of,where he has been twice. I was fully aware of he is telling lies but for a normal person its just impossible to confront him directly,he get to win any how.
8. when my family directly called him for his parents no ,first he delayed. he privately masseged me for this and asked me to convince my family so that they do not ask him for the no again. Gave reason that if my family contact his parents it may lead to a bad way. He didnt describe how bad and why bad. he didnt tell me anything clearly but was just desperate to stop that conversation. He set consequences that if my family call I may haveto lose him forever,i should have trust him,and my family too to let him handle this in his way, where he was just doing nothing even after asking him to take step gradually during past 6months. he remailed silent the whole period except giving repeated assurance and commitment to me only.
9. at last my family had a talk with his and had came to know that he told at home he is not at all serious about me.
After the phone call, we came to know,
1.he gave me his father no to me wrong.
2. he lied about his fathers job.
3.he lied to me that his family already knows he is in love with me and its serious.
4.he lied to me that his parent already have a hint about our future together.
5. he set consequences to me as his family came to know from my family now I have to be mentally prepare to face anything ,good or bad. He has given me this warning or threat.
6. His father said they have no problem with this relationship, but he has said his son needs 4years from now to get settled including his MBA,and so now he can give any assurance for marriage where has already given that to me and my family seperately long ago.
7. He has warned me that I have to wait 4years now without even any commitment of marriage,and his mind may change then. He has given excuse for not getting engaged as that will disturb his study. He is a Consultant (handsome package) at PriceWaterHouse Coopers,one of the reputated big four consulting firms.
he has completely changed by just one year,with a lame excuse that he is continuously under stress thus he is disturbed and unable to think about me now.
1.he is not taking calls from us,
2.neither ready to meet and talk peacefully,nor is ready to resolve things over massages.
3. Stopped they way to contact his parents for me setting consequences that will push me away from him further,
4. He is not ready to have family conversation and to sort out things.
5. he claims he is not able to feel emotional just because he has been emotionally dead,and not able to state any proper reason for that.
6. i am ready to wait for his study but atleast i need to know that after 4 years will he be there,thats all i have asked for,and as my mother is a kidney patient she just wanted to see us engaged ,a registry.
7. one month ago, he was ready for engagement,and he proposed me for marriage in April, now just with the excuse of why we had called his family,he will be emotionally absent now.
My concern is at this condition I just want to cope up with the situation in a constructive way, he is 26years old,can his parents stop him from getting engaged?or can he give excuse of parents to betray me? if he refuses covertly everything is there any way out to pull him infront of whole family and ask him to confess directly that he has played a game and thus in a short period he became uninterested where we never have had any fight between us that may lead to seperation?
If he refuses directly then is there any way to give him a lesson for all the things he has done or still doing?
I never wanted to punish him bcz i love him,but lately i came to know he has done the same things other way round to 4 other girls before. I just want to make him realise that whatever he is doing is wrong by whatever means,
Is there any way that police or law can help me in this situation ?
Please have patient while reading, I am in a miserable condition and it really took a lot of energy out of me to make it in words, he is really finishing me,my mother is going though tremendous tension resulting a nervous trauma and stroke recently, i have let him know about it but still he is indifferent,in last 14 days,he is going no contact.
please help me to get out of this situation fruitfully, i dont want to sue him,i love him,the way he is behaving is bothering me because ultimately he is losing his respect in my family. which im not liking bcz he was my choice. please tell me any way that can help me to cope up.
thanks in advance.