False allegations on annulment of marriage notice
4 days ago i received a notice from my husband's lawyer filing for annulment of our marriage. We were married around 2 years ago in Jun 2014. They approached us after seeing my profile in a common matrimonial bureau. I was born in Bangalore and raised here, while he was born in a town near Madurai and was raised there. He has been in Bangalore for the last 8 years for work. I was 28 and he was 29 when we met. We met along with family members and after a separate 10 min talk, he said he was ok and i said i needed time. When i met him again after a week, i explained to him about my family situation, my financial commitments and i asked him if all this was ok. He said he was fine with it. I also asked him why he was keen to marry a Bangalore girl(they had mentioned this in his profile). He said he liked the culture where Bangaloreans were more bold and had no difference when taking to men and women. After talking to him I thought it would be a good match and I agreed.
the problem started on the day of the engagement when he misunderstood something my father said and created a mess after that. After that he avoided me and ignored me until the dawn of the marriage day. It was all chaotic everywhere because everyone thought the groom was being forced. However I still went ahead with the marriage hoping that everything would be resolved after we were married.
But everything was only downhill from there. He was extremely short tempered and would snap at every small thing. He would say very offending things and hurtful things. But in front of everyone else he would maintain a very loving image. The love i got from him when others were present was absolutely absent when it was just the both of us. Once when I received a parcel with my maiden name i.e dad s name as surname and not his name, he yelled and yelled on the top of his voice claiming that I did not know how to respect a husband. there was massive yelling at 2 in the night when he said he did not want to live with me anymore and that I should leave to my parents house. After a lot of crying and realising someone had to let go, I apologised and said nothing like that would happen again and we can resolve this. We did not speak. and he was almost about to leave the house. I begged him to stay but he did not. Finally I also threatened that I would leave. To which he said until I leave you in your house you are my property and if something happens to you, I dont want to face all those questions. Finally he calmed down.
Problems only got worse after that. Soon he brought about a matter of sub-caste accusing my parents of lying to him and hiding the fact that I hailed from a different sub-caste than what was mentioned. Being brought up in Bangalore, I have no concern for caste or sub-caste. While we were matching the proposals, they repeatedly mentioned that caste is not an issue for them. and I thought they were broad minded. This happened four months after the marriage. He left the house one night just sending a message that he was leaving to coimbatore and would not return and that the marriage was over. I was not ready to let go. I took the next bus to coimbatore and my parents left a few hours later to coimbatore from bangalore. I was new to the place and did not know the route. I ended up walking for 7 kms before my parents spotted me walking on the pavement and took me to the house. There my father in law refused to let my parents in claiming they had committed a sin. My husband started making allegations that i would never do any house hold work. In reality, I would return from office and do all the work while he would return and as usual get engrossed in his social media. He would not even talk to me. He would just be with his phone. If he saw me after work, he would not even smile. and if i asked why he said he was just that way. I adjusted to that too. and i stopped smiling too out of habit.
After a lot of pleading from my parents and me, they agreed to continue with the understanding that I learn how to behave like a wife.
We returned to Bangalore. Nothing changed after that. He started putting conditions on my behaviour if I wanted to have a child with him. Every small argument would change into a massive one and he would always end it with 'I dont want to live with you'. The reasons were always different like 'you are not the right one for me, I am not the right one for you, your family is not good, you dont know how to behave like a wife, you are too independent, you ruined my lifestyle and lots of other things'. He would say all this, walk away and i would always go back and plead him to try and resolve things. I wanted this marriage to work. I was aware that everyone has problems but I knew that if we could speak about it, it would work. But he was not ready. I even suggested that we reach out to a marriage counselor but he said there s nothing a counselor can do because he was firm that he did not want to continue this. This started from Jan 2015 and would occur once every two weeks. The rest of the days we hardly spoke.
Around May 2015, he suddenly created a new issue about me not earning enough and not bringing home enough money. He accused me of being the reason he was not able to live a lavish lifestyle. This is inspite of me having told him before the engagement that I had financial commitments and would not be able to contribute much to the house for a few months. Much before this he had stopped giving money for the household expenses so I was digging into my little bit of savings to run the house. He never disclosed how much he earned or where he spent them because he thought that was not my business.
In April 2015, I changed my company to a prominent MNC in the city. One day at my new office, I suffered from extreme heart pain and could not breathe. My new manager dropped me back home and I then went to the doctor who asked me to get an ECG done. It was that severe and my colleagues at office had helped me to a great extreme.Later that evening just to check how I was doing, a male colleague( who is 5 years younger to me and who calls me akka/elder sister) messaged me to ask how I was doing. My husband took wrong of this message and brought about a new problem since that day. He said that I had had a husband and men should know their limits before asking a married woman how her health was. He started saying that I was singing and watching other language movies cos of that guy. That I dress well to office to impress him. He started to accuse me of finding reasons to spend more time with that guy. Soon the list expanded to another guy and started speaking ill of me with this guy who is also around 5 years younger to me and calls me akka/elder sister.
Amidst this his mother unfortunately passed away. She was a good lady. As he was the only son and he had no money, I spent everything for the rituals. He was due to leave to Singapore for a new job offer. and he left in the start of November with the understanding that I would join him after I found a job there. I thought the increase in income would make him more relaxed. It did. He started to smile more but his suspicions never stopped. He started to ask me to send pics of my surroundings at random times sometimes when I am in the cab, he would ask a photo of the traffic from inside the cab to ensure I was really in it. He made sure I moved in with my parents whose house is really far from my office and that I was not living alone. His suspicions did not reduce even then. He threatened to call my office and malign my image and stopped me from working extra even in case of emergencies or weekends if i wanted to be in the marriage. One night he said I should quit the next day if I wanted to live with him. After a lot of requests he still did not budge, I said i will think about it but I have to go atleast for a day to meet the manager. He said all that was not needed. He asked me to send him an email that late in the night and stop going from the next day. somehow he fell asleep because of the excessive alcohol. and because of the time difference I just got up and left to work. Two days later when I said i was going to talk to the manager about my resignation, he asked me not to since I had to repay the EMI and he could not take that burden.
I was due to meet him for the new year for a two week vacation in the wake of 2016. 4 days before I left he got angry for some reason and started yelling again because my resume had only my maiden name. I explained to him that it was company rules that I submit only the maiden name and since this was for internal transfer, it is the same name. He was not ready to listen. He threatened me that he would send the notice in 4 months and that i should not visit. I begged and pleaded him over whatsapp and Skype and various calls. But he was firm. again due to the consumption of alcohol he fell asleep during the conversation and I was left crying in Bangalore hoping he would pick the call. After a long while and the realisation that he had fallen asleep, I decided to get some sleep but i knew the marriage was getting worse. I thought maybe the physical distance had a negative impact so i had to see him once. so I did not cancel my tickets and i decided to meet him in singapore. I told him this. the day i landed there I was apprehensive but excited to see him also after 2 months. the excitement ended when he got a call from his family friend' son who is also in Singapore and who is around 7-8 years younger to me asking if I had reached and if we all could meet up one day. He also calls me akka. I am like the universal elder/younger sister for everyone. After keeping the phone down, my husband accused me of being close to him and that I was bringing down the respect of the family. just 20 min into the room in singapore and i was being accused of a new thing. Like always I apologised and pleaded again because I thought one person had to give in. Things were ok until 4 days later when he picked this topic again and continually started accusing me again and again. I had had enough. I said fine lets talk and resolve this and he said he had to leave for a smoke. Until that moment I had not known that he smoked. At the peak point of frustration, I asked him to choose between resolving our marriage issues or his smoke. He chose smoking and left.
I was in a foreign land and had broken. He came back after sometime and asked me to leave right away. reducing my 2 week vacation to one. When I said i needed time to think, he said all that was not needed and that he had decided that only a miracle can save the marriage now. I left the next night. I reached Bangalore in the early morning hours of 3rd Jan 2016.
We have not spoken since then. For the first time in our marriage i decided to wait till he initiates the conversation because I wanted to feel loved in the marriage. I messaged. he did not reply. A week later, his father called me to accuse me of not giving them money and not taking care of them and being the reason their son was so upset. His father called my parents the next day and asked if they knew if I was really going to office everyday, if I was really going to the shop when I said I was going to the shop and a lot more accusations. A day later his sister removed me from the family whatsapp group without even having spoken to me to ask what the issue was. Since the day I returned there has been no one from his family who tried to resolve the issues, even though I tried to talk to them.
In between I tried to message him on whatsapp. He would see the message but not reply. However I had the biggest shock of my life when I received a notice from a court in Coimbatore saying that he has filed for annulment of marriage on grounds that I cheated with my sub caste, I send intimate messages to men after 10 in the night, have affairs with colleagues with their names mentioned, separated him from his family and brought him to Bangalore claiming that I did not want to live with his parents, have abused his family members and every other possible false claims. I believe now that he has money and is earning in dollars, he no longer has the need for a marriage.
I am beyond broken. I tried a lot to save this marriage and I put up with everything that he did with the hope that it would be resolved one day and that I would have a life just like how everyone dreams of. Being a bold and outspoken and educated girl, everyone around will blame me for the wreckage of this marriage because in front of everyone he was very polite. But I am unable to accept that the two years meant nothing and that he wants it to be nullified.
Keeping my emotions aside, I have a summons in Coimbatore court on 4th of May to discuss this. I will definitely contest it. However I would like your opinion on if I should file a divorce petition on grounds of mental cruelty. Should I send a notice to him before he summons on the 4th. I know that the court will ask us to go for counselling and eventually ask to go for mutual consent. But I want my pain to be heard. I dont want to take this down as being the reason for the break. God knows how hard i tried. Is it worth to file for a divorce on grounds of mental cruelty before the summons. also do i need to think of a transfer. Would that be required. I am willing to travel to coimbatore occasionally. I dont want to give him an annulment. These two years meant a lot to me where I was constantly hoping I could have a good life and I put up with a lot. And I dont want to give him the state of unmarried so that he can do the same to another girl.
I am extremely sorry for the really long description. this in fact does not cover all the facts. I would appreciate a response. Thanks so much for your time. I sincerely appreciate it.