I am 36 yrs old, housewife. My first marriage was broken and I got my divorce by 2009 on mutual grounds. I got the custody of my child. As I had lost my father long before, I had the responsibility of my family (mother and a younger sister)too. I worked hard to support my daughter and mother. Later I felt the need of an emotional support and got married again through a matrimony site on 8th November 2012 with the consent of my husband’s (who was also a divorcee)family members and my mother and sister. After one week of the marriage, I resigned my job and we went abroad to my husband’s working place. We left my daughter with my mother so that she could complete her academic year and join us later.
From day 1, my husband did not show any interest for physical intimacy. Initially I thought he might have some starting trouble as both of us were divorcees. I noticed him taking some tablets daily after each meal. When I enquired, he informed it is taken as some precautions as his parents were diabetic. Around 2 months later when I asked him if he has any problems to have physical relation with me, he wanted me to give him some time, as its 12 years that he got separated from his ex-wife. He made me repeat the same question after 4 months and then I came to know that he was an impotent and had chronic diabetes. I got shocked knowing that I was cheated. Besides this I felt very bad at some of his actions: like watching porn films and pictures secretly, talking to his ex-girl friend on phone during office hours etc. We had arguments on these when he tries to do the same hiding me, but each time he would become aggressive and would get control on me. I used to give up as I did not want my second life also to be in trouble.
My daughter joined us after 6 months and my focus was to build up our new family.
I also started working in a school. In that period of two years abroad, I could sense he was hiding so many things from me and had so many secrets, like going out of the house to attend certain calls, shipping gift packets to India. He clarified those actions which I could not believe like his mom/dad called and to avoid disturbance he went out, gifts were to his brother’s family in India etc etc…if it was so, then why should he hide it from me?
Later on he made decision to come back to India and settle there. I was not happy with this decision because of the insecurity of getting a job in India. But he forced me to resign my job abroad and take TC of my child. He cunningly shifted us to my old house where my mother is and all the cargo items that we bought he took it to his parent’s house.(only my clothes were returned to me)
He has a good financial saving and is confident on the same and wanted to lead a retired life. So he showed less interest to get into a job. I also could not find a job.
Now it is one year after our return, I am still jobless and I am not able to handle my home financially as he is neglecting us a lot after our return. Most of the time he will be with his parents and when he visits us neglects us a lot. He used to be very busy with his laptop and mobile. Often he gets irritated at me, blames me a lot for simple things. In short after our return to India I lost peace in my life.
Last month, one day, I took the freedom to go through his emails when he left his laptop unattended. I was shocked to see that he was still communicating with his ex-girl friend. The heart breaking thing was that I could find that he was married to other women on 2006 and got divorced with her at 2010 which he never told me. I got the soft copy of both marriage and divorce certificates. Two days back I enquired the same with one of his old friends and he told me the truth that this man had a hobby of cheating women. Before getting divorce from his first wife he stayed together with a girl. Later when she left him he married a third woman in 2006. Later when she also left him he stayed together with his ex-girl friend. But she also refused to marry him knowing he was an impotent. Later he married me in 2012 through matrimony site.
I was the fifth woman in his life and the third legal wife. All these women left him because of his impotence.
I was ready to accept him as it is and wanted to live together but I am deeply hurt now and I could see that my life will be miserable and I will not be happy in any aspects if I am going to continue a life with him and he is not worth for a relationship. I would like to come out of it legally. I have the following doubts. Please clarify
1. How can I move ahead with a divorce?
2. How can I prove that he married me by hiding his chronic diabetics?
3. How can I prove that he married me by hiding that he is impotent?
4. How can I prove that he was involved in multiple relationships before he married me ?
1999 to 2001 he was living with his first legal wife and got his divorce by 2005
2004 to 2006 he was living together with another woman
2006 he legally married another woman and got divorce by 2010 (I do have the soft copy of the same)
2010 he had planned to marry his ex-girl friend from which she quitted a week before the date of mrg.
5 Will I get justice for hiding his past from me?
6. Will I get any compensation if I go for a case? What if he transfers his savings to his parents to avoid compensation?
7. As I am all alone and jobless, how should I move ahead to get the proofs?
9. How much it will cost and how long it will take for the procedure?
8. He may come for revenge if I expose this issue. How can I make my family safe?
I don’t know what to do next in life. I am totally broken. Please help me.