Hav to file a divorce...against my family.. deserately need help.

Hi... i hv been maaried for 5 years now and i stopped living with my husband after ten months. i was just 20 yrs of age and when i left my cheater liar drunkard husband my parents disowned me.. i failed in my engineering and had to support my self doing various jobs. recently my father patched up things with me bt its been an year since this and he said he ll help me with the divorce bt nothings is happenning. i think he wants me to go back to him. but i cant let them do this again to me cz i am nt scared of the society. they are! the only thing that my husband has against me is a very idiotic video where some of my guy friends are behaving very drunk and wierd and i am sleeping in the background doing absolutely nothing. i drink i smoke and also did weed when i got married. but i made it a point to tell all this to the guy before the marriage. my parents tell me that if i tak the divorce my husband and his family will take the above two tthings against me and ruin my reputation! now i am studying again after patching up things with my parents bt they treat me as a second class citizen. zero pocket money and i am tortured by my mom with the most disgusting comments. my life has become hell. i cant study. i cant live and most importantly i cannot move on with my life. please help me and advise me what to do. only when i am clear will i go n hire a lawyer because i know if i go against my parents wishes they will disown me again n i cant do that unless i am sure. you can search gargi roadies x on youtube and see the video i tol the world what happened to me