abbeting suicide

i want to commit suicide because 8 months back i met a girl thru matrimony and as time passed we fell in love. she is from ahmedabad and i am from orissa, bbsr. she promised me to get marry with me and gave word to my parents. i did every possible things for her and her parents cause her parents were bit reluctant to send their daughter so far but she told me not to worry thats her problem she told me she will handle it. in these 8 months we came so close its almost like husband and wife without a marriage certificate. i used to go there almost every alternate month to ahmedabad through flight. and she too came here thrice through flights which i paid all the time we were so much in love. since last 2 months i found something fishy like cheating on me i got some evidences like messages on her mobile we had a fight but she did not accept and tried to convince me as i was in so much love i ignored those shee had some issues in her business as she is an interior designer she messed up some work i helped her giving a cash of 80,000 rupees and other few expenses like paying her mobile bills sometimes which was never less than 5000 bucks per month. i gifted her an iphone6 on new year cost around 55,000 and manyother gifts like watches and dresses and shoes if calculate that comes to around something like 25 to 30,000. and we have been to other places in gujrat diu with her brother and her gf i spent all expenses if i tell what all expenses i did on her in theses 8 months that comes to 3.5 lacs and in cash i have paid her 1.5 lacs which i have a proof cause i transfered it through my and few from my friends account and she visited my place on feb for few days she was depressed so my mom askd her what happend she said i have work issues and all. my mom just handed over 50,000 rupees to her cause was quite close to my family. and we about get marry so she was just like a family member my dad gifted her a dress and once he bought a flight ticket for her and my brother too.. she left in mumbai as we planned to meet in mumbai in this march we had a fight one night and she left the next morning i dint had money cause i spent it all in mumbai with her she told me i ll get tickets but she left with some one else with her friend she is not having any affairs with tht guy i knew him but she just left me with some cash i payed the hotel bills and called a friend for help. i called her she just said i dnt want to continue this relationship. i was shocked. ok i asked for my money she just which money i dnt knw cause around 75,000 cash i took from friends which in depression i dint go for work for a month and my bussiness dint go well and my friends are calling me eveyday. thats okay i can explain them and get some time. from the begining itself i told her am an emotional person dnt break my heart and leave me i have been through pain all my life as i was suffering from arthritis since chidhood and 4 years back i had hip replacement surgery. i am crazy for bikes and cars since child but due to theses am unable to drive a bike its really sad but i can drive cars. i started working 1 and half year back and earn money i saved it and kept it to buy a VW polo car it was my dream but in between i met her and as i loved her i spent it all on her and on us as i thought she is important but i can get a car in few moredays. she left and my dreams are also shattered i dnt even have a penny now to clear my debt. its like am unable to take it. every night am crying and unable to sleep. believe it or not while writing here my tears are rolling down i still miss her but its like i dnt have her now for whom i did so much n my family too i just dnt want to live its been a painful life every night i think to end myself but am scared but sometimes it feels so hard and painful i just get up and cry and think how to die which is not painful cause been through pain since childhood.....